Sunday, May 16, 2010


Yeah. Well, I guess we're done. There are so many things inside of me
that I don't even know how to begin. I don't even know who to tell cuz I
have practically no one, forget you. We were dealing with relationship
issues before, issues that you just ignored considering your busy-ness. So
the issues just kept piling up until I couldn't take it anymore. And then
sometimes we would talk, and other times we wouldn't. It was very similar
to a roller coaster except we weren't buckled up or ready for the ride.
Daily, I couldn't take it. Daily, I did something to try to fix it, to try to fix us.
But the day after we still had the same issues over and over. You
were just so damn stubborn, so hard to deal with and you didn't do
anything about it and I was left like a dumb ass, just trying to hold on to
something that didn't even have a TRACE of being there. How could I
have been so dumb? Well, there was a point until YOU couldn't deal with
our issues and you tried to fix it as well. I thought, "O my gosh, this is it.
No more awkward-ness, we'll go back to how we were before, so in love."
But then I thought, "wait." I've been trying to fix us for how long now? And
now that YOU want us back, this one time, you expect me to fall into your
arms like the damsel in distress that you thought I was and that I'll never
be. Uh, no. You lost your damn chances that's for sure. Because I wasn't
gonna fall for it like I've fallen way to many times. And so I told you I didn't
want to be together. And, of course, you over reacted and treated me like
shit and called me crazy. And yes, Chris, I was crazy. Crazy enough to
deal with all the bullshit I've gone through with you, and I've told you that.
Now THATS what I call crazy. But what led me to say no was not only because of you. No, it
wasn't. It was also fueled by someone else, some other guy, which I don't even want to go into, but with you in the picture that wasn't going to
happen. So, you see, it wasn't only because of you that I didn't
want to be together. And I'm not blaming it on you because in your eyes I might be just a guilty, just as responsible for this. I don't know. I really don't want to find out. Not because I don't care but because I'm just so over everything, I'm blah. And I know your exes have left you for other guys and maybe I qualify as one of those exes but think back on how you treated them, think back on how they felt around you, think back if you
really listened to them, think back on how you showed them your love,
and think back on how you showed them you cared. I still love you. I don't
know if I'm necessarily in love with you, but i do care for you nonetheless.
I know for sure I don't love you like I did before because so much has
happened that I don't know if what I feel toward you is love or just pity at
times. I know two wrongs don't make a right, but you'll feel the way you've
made me feel these years we've known each other, the good and the bad, just so you understand.
Have a nice life.

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Thank you for reading! I will visit you back!