Wednesday, December 14, 2011

sunrise




Due to the fact that I've been 'room-ridden' these past few days studying for finals these are pictures from my room window, all the way up on the 14th floor of my building. 

After a while, I did get tired of studying, distracted would be the better word, and as always when that happens I get creative. I made this out of cork tile squares put them up on the wall and let my creative juices flow. I love the way it turned out! Currently, I'm just finishing up on my last few finals, thank God! And I should be home by Friday, getting more anxious by the second!


Sunday, December 11, 2011

i've posted this before, i felt like it needed a repost 
the only, ONLY thing I plan to do this christmas:
 tell my mum not to buy me my boots, and give me the money instead so I could shop 'til I drop.
Not going to a fashion forward school totally sucks!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Monday, December 5, 2011

consider this my reiteration
Miss, I wanna read into your nature like the deepest of liter-a-ture
Miss, I'm trying to be in your space without being in the way of your dreams and education.
Let me say this,
the realest bitch in the room her living situation ain't too good so her living begins in June.
Miss, couldn't get them Jimmy Choos cause tuition is due
Miss, wherever you S-A-T, I want to A-C-T like I want to get into U,
no particular school
Miss, made some new friends stepping with crews
Miss AKA, Miss Crimson and Cream, Miss Unaffiliated 
But, whatever it is baby, I hope you pledge to your dreams, forever my queen..
consider this my reiteration..
emergency blue phones

Saturday, December 3, 2011


I don't need a man in order to feel like woman, but I do want one with me in those heavy moments when I'm feeling weak, tired, and lonely. I want him to know me, and to show me, that he respects what I bring to the table, I want him to be able to accept my strengths and my confidence without thinking that that makes him weak and lacking. I don't need a man with a lot of money, but I do want one that's packing, packing his own goals, and his own dreams, one who holds womanhood in high esteem, starting with his mother. Now, I don't need a man of any particular color, but I do want a brother, one who openly loves God more than he could ever love me, he'll even go to church with me, he will hurt with me, he'll search with me when I'm trying to find answers to lost questions, he's a blessing. I don't need a man with a lot of religion, but I do want one who believes in God, and as such, he's in touch with the truth, therefore he doesn't habitually lie, nor will he deliberately make me cry, but he will tell me, not maliciously, when I'm wrong, hold me when I feel like I can't hold on, and on personal matters , he keeps the business at home because he's grown, therefore he sees past the physical beauty that the world is showing, and he'll fearlessly dive into the wildest of my unknown. Once there, he would create and sail into a home of absolute harmony, blissfully, with me. And, as for me, I'm gonna love this man so deep, I'm gonna love him for keeps, ya'll, I'm gonna love this man until lemons become sweet, until the Earth crumbles into the sea, until religious fanatics and scientists agree. I'm gonna love this man until all atheists bow down on their knees and faithfully worship some form of holy deity, I'm gonna love him until all [innocent] men in prison are free, and justice embraces them wholeheartedly. Then, finally, just so all of you understand, I don't need a man who thinks I'm supposed to make him feel like a man, but I do want a man who knows that he is the man.

Bonnie- My Man..
I've been a lot into photography lately...

Friday, December 2, 2011

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Mary Fons, "I love you."

this poem is for the pillow clutchers
for those looking into the imaginary eyes of the person who fills their mind with sugarplum smiles
for those who have a cannon of dreams ready and waiting to blossom
for the men and the women who want to be understood in that way that only someone who kisses you can understand you
this poem is for you

this poem is not for the desperate
pathetic
the lame
the loser
not for the one who hasn't gotten laid in a while
not for the one who says they're "choosing" not to date for a while
there is no such thing
this poem is for people who cannot bring themselves to admit that they would give their right leg for any length of time with the person on their mind

forgive me.
I am not a brave woman
I do not know what lurks in the hearts of humans, I don't even want to know.
if what's there mirrors memories that show in my face on bad days
and holds kisses that are long gone
people who have disappeared
and passions that faded into the ether of the past
nothing lasts.
and that is the one lesson this coward can say she is able to teach

this poem is for all those who wish to say "I'm sorry"
"I'm sorry I couldn't love you, you deserve love"
"I'm sorry I couldn't give something you deserve to be given to"
"I'm sorry that for every person that loves somebody, another person just doesn't want to."
And sometimes we're the lucky ones, right?
We get to feel sweet truth in the night
bodies we reach out to are miraculously there
but i know the despair that comes when they're NOT
I know the long nights, and the doubt, and the fear
and the crawling back to a womb that just isn't there
I know intensity's address and the let down that rents there
I'm sorry for it.
It takes years off your life.
And it cannot be avoided.

and sometimes these little words are the crutches for the crush that we feel
so this poem is a pathetic vehicle for me to tell you that you're wonderful
I love you.
in so many ways.
In the same ways that stay up nights and days dreaming up the perfect way to be there for someone
meals you would cook for them
poems you would write for them
and the things you plan to say when they say "No."

Well, I love you.
and you will never know how in the slight of a magician's hand we could've been lovers and grandly in love
Could've changed the whole game
written words on the horizon
could've changed the compromise
but you will know something else instead.
Bitter as bitter ever gets, bitter than a rotten peach pit,
more bitter than a child's most terrifying nightmare
You will know that I don't reflect what I see in your eyes
we'll share some banal recognition, some cordial understanding
Did I mention that I love you for being honest?
Have I mentioned that I love you for not lying?
So many people lying all the time, I hate them
So I love you.

And you will still go home alone.

And that is very hard to do.

For all the humans with love for those who aren't their lovers,

I love you.


And so the poem ends because we know that it will
but before it slips away, like everything else,
I will attempt the only words I can think of that are a fraction as good as a kiss...
When you stay at home at night thinking of those who are long gone, or those who are getting kisses from someone that is not you, I love you.
For those who want what they probably need, and whose bodies are starving, not for food, for me, for you, for all the people who never knew or understood what you would do for them:
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.

it has been so long. so much has changed. i'm an 'adult' now. life's crazy.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I'm tired. I'm stressed, I'm lonely. I'm sorry. I feel like shit.

I just wished I had somebody. I just wanna go home...

Friday, September 9, 2011

This is so hard

When you're mourning you expect the whole word, or at least your close friends to be sad with you, but it doesn't work that way. During the day I put on this hard shell, it's almost like I'm invincible, let no emotions show and you'll be good. Yet, in the night buried within the walls of my room, I cry. I cry for my grandfather who had to go so soon, without me even seeing him for about 10 years, let alone even saying goodbye. I cry for all this sadness tha has overcome me these Past few days. I honestly don't know how I'm able to go to class, how I can have all this composure, which is just for pretend--because I am as fragile as glass. All I have to say is,
To my grandpa,
I'm so sorry I wasn't there to say goodbye, I'm sorry you had to go like this. I'm sorry we never really talked, and I'm sorry I took your time in this world for granted, you're at a better place now, and that's all that matters. May you rest in peace, without any suffering, without anything negative. I love you, and I'll always remember you. 09/07/2011
Love, your granddaughter

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Monday, September 5, 2011

I highly dislike my neighbors

Going through withdrawal without you my darling blog. A lot, I mean A LOT of things have happened since my last post but I wont bore you with the gory details. BUT I will be back on this regularly, as a venting mechanism.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I'm happy.

time is money pimpin'

Moving on and moving forward. I appreciate anyone and everyone who decides to stay in the next portion of my life. I know for a fact that the move would cause some of my relationships to turn for the worse, and barely if any for the better. My family, of course, would always be with me but the relationships with my friends I know are long gone. I can't say much about my relationship with Chris because that's a whole other category, but I'm pretty sure he's not going to budge.

Barely a few weeks after graduation and right away you see everyone's true colors. I should disactivate my facebook...

Friday, July 8, 2011

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

oldness

It really sucks not being able to blog about something you really want to :(
But, whatever...


My house is too weird. Okay, first from my room in the middle of the night some days I hear this little girl scream, "Daddy!" She does this several times & I'm just too afraid to look out of the window..

And, now, while at my grandma's room I hear scratching noises in the ceiling, according to a website,
"Could be mice, rats, bats, opossums, or raccoons, all of which are nocturnal animals. The level of sound can be deceiving, depending on factors like acoustics or location. Sometimes rats can sound very loud, and raccoons quiet. This is where an inspection of the house and attic or crawl space will reveal what types of critters you're dealing with."

I don't know who's going to be crawling up in the attic and all, but it definitely WON'T be me...just putting it out there...

Saturday, June 25, 2011

can't feel my face

I don't think anyone in this earth blogs quite as much as I do. Nobody reads this anyway, so what the hell, its a venting mechanism. It is currently 5:22 am and I haven't been able to sleep specifically because I slept late today, like 1 pm late, and it has come to my attention that that's all I do during the weekdays: stay up really late, sleep until pretty late. But this all stops now, well at least ill try to stop it. I'm going to try to wake up moderately early and start my day: workout, eat good/healthy breakfast, take a shower, wash hair...look nice and presentable, something I've been lacking in. Waking up when half of the day is over won't be in my schedule anymore. Well, I hope it isn't. I should probably wake up at about 11:30 later because I still need some sleep.
Goodnight/Goodmorning,
Nicky

leaving.

I think majority of my friends can relate to my blog title. They're all leaving! Thursday, one of my closest friends left for college, I guess she's starting early, to finish early. Sent her a cute little farewell message :) Saturday, well today, in insomniac terms, my other close friend leaves for Rutgers for their summer program, I believe. Oh, she's gonna party it up over there once the school year starts as she's already crazy as it is. AND on Sunday, my other friend leaves to college for the summer program. Speaking about partying, we're gonna be partying it up tomorrow before her farewell. Which is weird because I haven't really been in the 'party mood' for a while, which is so not me because I'm borderline cray cray (crazy). I'm gonna miss these girlies dearly, I wish them the total best in college & all their future endeavors.


I was going to post some pictures, but the camera is in my mother's room & I don't feel like going as it is pitch black & accidentally bumping into something & waking up the whole neighborhood. I'll leave with these words for now...

Farewell.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

this is probably going to kill me

relevance

Yesterday's horoscope fit me to a tee, and so here it is:

You don't give yourself enough credit, Virgo. You're naturally humble and probably soft-spoken, which may be why you aren't patting yourself on the back right now and blowing you're own horn. You've recently come through an ordeal with flying colors due to your diligence and integrity. You may not see it that way, though. You probably figure that you did because it was what was required of you. Nothing more and nothing less. That's a typically humble Virgo reaction. But it isn't vain or narcissistic to recognize your own achievements. It's necessary sometimes to applaud yourself for a job well done because it keeps your spirits up and makes your successes that much more enjoyable.

(It's semi-weird that horoscopes know so much about my life, when I don't even know what I feel sometimes).Before & After
(I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY MY PICTURES ARE SIDEWAYS)
>.<

Monday, June 20, 2011

i can still feel the lump

Throughout this whole, entire day it never hit me. Never hit me that I would most likely NOT see all the people I graduated with today, that I would most likely not see any of my close friends, and that I would not be here in about two months. It didn't hit me until the next-to-last hug I got from one of my friends which I've known since freshman year. Time goes by soooo fast, too fast for my liking. And the entire reality of it all just took me by surprise (took both of us by surprise) and we just cried on each other's shoulder. Technically, I started bawling my eyes out & so I made her cry. But, ugh...I just don't know.
I don't think I'm ready to grow up. I don't think I'm ready to go to college, I'm not exactly ready to meet new people. Put simply, I'm not ready to do anything. Maybe this feeling is temporary since I graduated today. And maybe a couple days or weeks from now I'll be super-duper happy I finished high school. I definitely know it's a time for keeping your old memories, and getting used to new beginnings, and I should just take it one step at a time...and I think that's what I'll do.



I'm currently getting texts from people inviting me to their parties, and I'm just not in the mood. Is it weird that I choose to stay home & watch movies rather than going out and partying today? I still feel like crying..

Thursday, June 16, 2011

the decision.

Currently debating on whether I should call my father letting him know I'm graduating & giving him a ticket, or just not telling him anything at all.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

he lends his coat for shelter..

'See, all I ever wanna do is be relevant, just tell me that I ever meant anything or that you could ever see me and you in another light. But it's like the dark women endures the darkest nights by the wrong man and mostly all of them have made you somewhat incapable of a first impression. What I do is I channel my aggression with no cable or antenna, just intentions to impress you, if capable (haha). Hoping that the material possessions can materialize to a better you:
Cars.
Nothing I drive can drive you out of this frame of mind with such an ugly picture in it and,
Money.
Nothing I buy can buy me more time for your ears to tell your heart to listen to it.
Diamonds.
A girl's best friend is what they say but, believe me with the right allegiance baby you gonna shine anyways, and everyday that goes by is a couple more lines in her diary. The day before is better than the present, so anyone presented in her presence endures these life sentences. There's no key for release, no reason to be around, her mind's in the clouds, she writes it all down, in her diary.'

Monday, April 25, 2011

just a band-aid, it'll come around heehaw

(this is not what I wanted to write about, but I just saw a freaking insidious picture, I just happened to run into one online. Scariest fucking shit ever, not cool. I had to turn on the damn light. EFFFFFFF.)

Is it weird that I feel like such a whore? Very vulgar word, but seriously. Actually, it's quite funny, but everything is funny to me so that doesn't mean anything. And truthfully, I don't even know if I want to write about this. I'll just leave it here as a way of reminding me of what I have to write about.

THE INCONGRUENCE OF IT ALL.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

What. a. night.

You find out a lot of things when you drunk text. I wasn't the one who was drunk though.

Friday, April 22, 2011

intimates

I love this picture, it's so spring-y. It was my attempt at making some lemon tea, but apparently I kind of exaggerated with the lemons, I put too much. It came out bitter, even with the cinnamon sticks in there, even with the pound of sugar I poured. It just wasn't working, so I didn't get to enjoy my tea :( Before bed, I think I might make some cup noodles because I'm starving.
I could go for some powdered sugar covered waffles right about now, OMG.






..........that's the way the cookie crumbles.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

my horoscope is so accurate it scares me

My horoscope for Wednesday, April 20 2011

You may be trapped in the past when it comes to reliving one particularly upsetting event or issue. You would probably like to be free of it, yet it taunts you with repetitive thoughts and burdensome "what ifs." You keep thinking that if only you did such-and-such, or if only you did whatever you did in a different way, everything would have turned out much better. Obviously, Virgo, that kind of thinking is not productive. It doesn't solve anything, and it only frustrates you. Instead of reliving a moment from the past, find a way to undo or redo it in the present.


That is freaky ^

Monday, April 18, 2011

random stuff...oh gosh

Why do I blog/write so much?
Because it's cheaper than therapy. But, in all seriousness I just need someone to talk to. Someone who understands me. And even though I get no feedback from a blog, because blogs can't talk of course, I can just let it out. Shove whatever I'm feeling someplace else in hopes that it won't come creeping up in my head again.

Why am I such a mess? Why do I always have to ruin everything? Everything destructs when I'm around it and I'm not exaggerating.

Part of me thinks its better to just suppress my feelings because at the end of the day it doesn't matter what I think or feel. I end up getting hurt anyway. Well, so far.

I'm a complex person. And I'm weird too. Really weird. I think some people can actually testify to the fact that I'm weird. But.......truthfully, I'd rather be weird than anything else. I like it.

A lot of things bother me. I just don't say anything. But, sometimes people say DUMB things and its too hard to pass off.

Besides those, I consider myself to be fun. I mean, if people keep inviting me places, I figure that I must be fun.

I also consider myself funny. Not obviously funny though, my humor is dark. I make myself laugh all the time. I kinda want somebody that'll make me laugh more than I make them laugh. I love to laugh.

Accents make me happy. English, Australian, and Irish accents. If I had to put them in order I think it'll be Irish (because of P.S. I Love You), then Australian and English are tied.

Today was an OKAY day. But, I hate okay days. I want fanfreakingtastic day. I don't remember the last time I've had those kind of days, or even if I ever had one.

Don't get me wrong I'm not ungrateful. ^

I have conversations with God. Not like prayers. Conversations. God tries to play these kind of sneaky jokes on me. For example, this happened too, I specifically try to avoid this person, and in the hallways I'm zoned out thinking about random stufff, and then what I actually notice people walking in front of me, I notice it's the person I've been trying to avoid. When that happened I seriously laughed and said," You think you're funny?" I love God.

I seriously can't wait to meet new people.

I wish I actually took getting a job seriously because now I have to pay for a lot of shit, and I don't want my mom to pay it all herself.

In addition to that, I don't give my mom enough credit and recognition. I love her. She deserves to be happy, but here I know she's not happy. Not with all the rumors of my father's girls going around. That's why I'm glad we're moving this summer. I really hope this move is for the better. I'd give anything for her happiness. Ok I should stop because I'm getting a big lump the size of my fist in my throat.

I really like clothes. I'm not going to say love because the love of clothing is materialistic, and I don't consider myself to be that kind of person. BUT I look my best whenever I'm feeling down. Clothes are the only reason why I'm scared of getting a credit card. It makes me worry. So that's why I'm going to be a certified gold digger when I grow up.

I was kidding about that last part. ^

I have given up on people who don't give me the time of day. My time isn't worthless.

I don't like people who aren't interesting.

I can seriously write down the things that turn me on and you'll be weirded out. Rugged guys with facial hair are a plus.

I should end this. I don't know what inspired me to write these random things.

MY lotion popped on my bag on Friday and I still haven't cleaned it out. That's really disgusting, but I'm on spring break so......it'll be cleaned when I want to.

I'm a procrastinator ^

I'm watching the movie 'RED' and it's fucking awesome.

I kind of don't want to stop this, but I must. Goodbye!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

phone cordz

Financial Aid is being a total _______. Fill in whatever word you think is necessary there. There was something I wanted to blog about, wasn't there? Hm. Well, since I haven't posted a song/youtube video in a while, today is that day.



To the untrained mind this might mean something, something I'm hinting at. But, it's not. Relax, I just like the song. Along with her whole entire album.

GOSH.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

there's something about saturday night & Cee-Lo Green

I think I've seen every feel-good, cheesy, love story...
( I'm watching SNL and this episode is hilarioussss OMG :D )
Ok I think I've seen all romantic comedies known to man so I'm stuck watching these random movies, BUT there have been some movies I've seen lately that were actually good: Tron Legacy was goooooood! I enjoyed it a lot! I want one of those light-up suit too! And The Mechanic was good too. I love all Jason Statham movies because they're all addicting.
I need more romantic comedies though :(
I miss you

^ I deserve an applause for that.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

tomorrow

He came over -____-
Out of NOWHERE, out of the blue. We talked in his car and stuff, but really I'm glad we're friends. I thought it was going to be somewhat awkward since what happened the other day, but it wasn't. The most ironic, stupid part: he complained about his date. Inside I'm like, "HA! That's what you get!" But, truthfully it doesn't have such importance anymore, I'm just glad we're good friends. It's better than nothing.
I'm happy being single! Of course, there are moments where I'm just like "I want somebody," but that happens rarely.

SO my mother has this new guy friend. She talks to him all the time and he makes her smile, so far so good. If he's the only way she'll get over my dad then I'm okay with it. She told me to call him "stepdad." She's crazy o.O

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

banana dilemma

Really quick before I go work out, BANANAS DO calm me down! Bananas have tryptophan, which is an amino acid, actually an essential amino acid because the body can't really synthesize it. Tryptophan produces a chemical reaction to make another compound, called serotonin. And serotonin "is a well-known contributor to feelings of well-being; therefore it is also known as a "happiness hormone" despite not being a hormone."

So they do make me calm down I just researched that ^
lol i had to

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

really?

I don't feel like ranting, cursing, getting more pissed off, writing a whole bunch tonight. I made a tough decision tonight and that's that. I'm just super upset and really I don't know what to do. Hopefully, painting my nails, moving my stuff into another bag, and eating a banana will help me calm down.

In all honesty

If i never texted you that night I probably wouldn't miss you, but now I do -_-

Sunday, April 10, 2011

This is all happening too soon..

I finally got the shoes! I also found a picture that looks more like my dress, here it is:
That's Keri Hilson
Ahhhhhh! It's so so so glamorous and exactly like the one I have, it even has those jewels in the middle! I'm getting excited as I type, but I can't help it . It's such a great contrast to my skin color, the only thing that's significantly different is that my dress is more ivory and this dress is more of a nude color.
These are the shoes I was going to buy:
So sexy! But they're really tall and so I feared that my dress wouldn't hit the ground, so I didn't buy that beauty.
I got these instead. Still hot, still platforms, but not so tall. They look super comfy too, so as of now I love them!

All I'm missing is my clutch, not a date :) Most likely I'll end up going with a group of friends, I can't wait!

Hey Red Sox,

I liked the way you played tonight.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

my obsession

Friday I went shopping! I bought so maaany things for just $31! I was super super excited then, and I'm super super excited to wear these things now. So, because I don't have a camera (LOL) I can't take pictures of it, but I'll look for some pictures that look similar to what I got. I found some of my friends there and I showed them what I got and they were kind of set back and did a double take, but it's funny and incongruent because when they see me in school they compliment my clothing. Maybe it's because I wasn't in it the reason why they didn't like it, but I love what I wear, so it doesn't matter.

The shirt that I got is somewhat like this except it's not gray. Actually, the print has to be one of the things I LOVE about this shirt. It's black and white and has this geometric/flowery print, so hot!
I got this little treasure, well something like it! I love love love it because it's great when you don't want to wear a big bag, this little compact purse comes in handy!
I've been dying for one of these belts, finally have one!
And I got three blazers I ADORE. They're all vintage, and different shades but I couldn't find any online that looked like them, but everybody knows what blazers look like so I gave up. Since they're all vintage, they came with shoulder pads, I'm not quite sure if I should remove the shoulder pads or not because it all depends on how they would look when I pair them with an outfit, but they don't look so bad with the shoulder pads. I was extremely extremely happy I found such things and I can't wait to wear them. I have to do some laundry first though because all my clothes are dirty. So, that is it for my clothes haul, I was just so excited I needed to share!
Wish List:
1. Jessica Simpson Shoes
-She has the greatest collection of shoes! Not pricey at all!

I tried those super tall sexy heels on at Macy's and I completely fellll in love! Even though they're so tall, they're so comfy, I just love them. I love alll her shoes!
2. Harem Pants
I need a pair!
3. Anything with Spring colors.
4. Classy Rainboots
5. Thin belts
6. Silk Jumpsuit or a Romper
7. Black and White striped blazer
8. Oxfords
I need them.

I'm not photogenic


I don't understand how a camera could cost more than a $1,000 but the Nikon Digital SLR cameras go waaaay beyond that. My brother, or sister broke the only digital camera we had, it's just a simple digital camera, not a Nikon or a professional one, but now I really really want a Nikon. I think I've talked about this before, but I just needed to emphasize my love for these cameras. The cheapest one is $499 and, if I had the money, I would so invest on it because I love to take abstract pictures, but my phone takes crappy pictures so I don't post them.

Before this fall, I would HOPEFULLY own one.
Or any digital camera, I guess.

Actually, any Nikon camera would do.

hm?

I had plans to go out today, but something happened (I'm not quite sure) and so I ended up staying home. All is good because I took a good nap, and I went to see Insidious yesterday, so overall it's been a pretty good weekend. When I went to see Insidious I made a personal note to myself to watch everything, "Do not cover your eyes, just enjoy it." The thing about me is that when I watch scary movies I miss the scary parts (on purpose) because I'm just that much of a punk. It's not that hard, when that eery, creepy music starts playing, cover your eyes. When a person is looking at themself in the mirror and they're about to close it, cover your eyes. When it's offly quiet and you expect something to happen, cover your eyes. When it's night and they show the house all dark, cover your eyes. When something moves all of a sudden, cover your eyes. So, when I watch scary movies, I remove the scariness of it, so overall it would be a pretty happy movie for me, and that's how I can sleep that night after watching it. UNFORTUNATELY, I decided to not cover my eyes ( but I did, on some parts). For being PG-13, it's a really good movie! I enjoyed it very very very much, though towards the end it starts to get a little fake and I'm just like really? I also noticed something, when I get scared I don't yell or scream I just put my head on the other person's shoulder and I cover my eyes. I cannot count how many times I did that last night. But, I would pay to watch that movie again.

So, since I have nothing to do. I'm gonna blog!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

finally beginning to enjoy this year

Okay seriously WHAT THE FUCK IS UP with these damn Red Sox? They predicted that weeeee were the best team in MLB. What the fuckety fucking fuck? Maybe because its the beginning of the season but OMG! not cute. But, I love you guuuyz.

Monday, April 4, 2011

personal

This is really personal, but I'm seriously considering the skinny girl diet which is sticking to the rule that you cant eat more than 300-400 calories a day & exercise, of course.
I don't know.
-_________________-

build a bridge and get over it

So, now, I'm feeling better thanks to my mother (surprising), and two other people. I don't know who I'm going to prom with, but rejection is life, and life isn't fair, so what can you do? I might go with a group of friends or just by myself, I'm just not sure. If somebody ends up asking me, which I highly doubt (not being pessimistic, but realistic), then depending on who that person is, I'll decide. One, my dress is TOO glamorous to be ruined by a guy who does not look good in a tux. And if you don't look good in a tux it must be that something is really wrong with you. Two, I thought about it, but I don't want to really be tied down by one person. Instead, I wanna have fun, dance with friends, be carefree. I don't think that'll happen with a clingy date. Whyyyyyyy am I so technical? Whooo cares, I'm gonna have fun and that's all that matters.

And, after ignoring it for a lonnnnng while, I seriously don't understand why you miss me. I think it's just your mood swings, and when you just need a person there. But, seriously, I'm not gonna think of reasons why you do because--it's not that I don't care, but I'm just tired of the same things. I don't know, nothing makes sense when I write, nothing makes sense in my mind either. But, yeah, I don't understand. I don't like blogging about you which is why I don't do it very much and, frankly the only thing I care about is your kids because I know they're so important to you. But, like you said to me, I'm here as well.

I literally lasted 42 minutes looking for something to wear and I ultimately ended up deciding on something so casual! Then I spent 18 minutes deciding on whether I should switch bags or not, which I did. It's seriously stressful looking for clothes. I look the best when I feel the worst, so tomorrow I'm definitely looking hot!

Saturday, April 2, 2011

there's just so much I have to say!

You know, it sucks being right all the time. I mean, just once someone should prove me wrong, but whatever. Hope this teaches you a lesson. I didn't go out tonight since I've gone out every Saturday for about a while now. And, I decided to stay in my cozy home the whole night. I didn't go out today except early in the afternoon when I went shopping with my mother, and *drum roll please* I finally got the dress! It wasn't that pricey, just $140 which is minuscule compared to the prices of dresses I was looking at online. I'm a bit tentative about putting a similar dress up here, but whatever. It looks somewhat like this:

On the hanger it looked pretty ugly and stuff, and I was like EH, let me just give this a try so I tried it on along with the other million and millions of ugly dresses my mom wanted me to try on. I didn't tell her of course, but they were all so figure unflattering. To be honest, when I tried that dress on I was like, 'oh no' for some reason, but then when I saw myself in the mirror I was more like 'oh okay' and then lady next to me said I looked beautiful, she said I had an hourglass figure, I started to come around *tries not to blush* and now I just love it! OH there's something important I ave to mention! Its not pink lol, its like this creamy, off-white, bone color, sort of beige, which is perfect because it contrasts my skin beautifully, besides the fact that it hugs my curves perfectly which is why it makes me have that hourglass figure. Oh another important thing! It doesn't have those jewels at the top, instead it has them at the top of the waist, to emphasize it. I LOVE THIS DRESS.

Okay so last night:
I really should have blogged about this last night because I remembered perfectly then, but now somethings are a blur. So I went over to his house at like around 8ish I think. He lives literally a block away which is perfect. When he opened the door I was attack by his fluffy dog called Buddy. OMG scariest thing ever HE JUMPED ON ME AHH! And all he said was 'dog' quiiiiiiiietly when he opened the door, like really could you have said it any louder before you opened the door?! His mom is sooo cute and soo cool. So we went upstairs to the attic where his room is and he gave me the cheesiest tour of his room, it was funny. We just watched movies and cuddled and ate pizza, it was cute :D But, um, I didn't ask him to be my prom date because I'm a punk. Certified punk. OOOOH! Talking about certification, guess who's an EMT?!!?!?!



You can find me, if you ever want again. I'll be around the bend, I'll be around..

Friday, April 1, 2011

i notice i have more guy-friends than girl friends

current mood:
:) yet :/ because I am SO confused! I wish I knew what people were thinking. I'll write about what happened tonight later, tomorrow, or some other time.
I'm going prom dress shopping tomorrow, but I've already got my mind set on this one dress that I absolutely positively love! Choosing a dress is harder than I thought, and my picky-ness does NOT help the situation at all. I can just wonder how hard it's going to be wedding dress shopping. Hmmmmmmm...
Goodnight my darling Blog <3

Thursday, March 31, 2011

oh goshh

Getting that 'you're a fucking dumbass feeling' again. Greatness.

Anyway *rolls eyes and shakes head* I hate when people are mad/sad all the time for no good reason. I mean, life's too short to be pouty and just SAD all the time. Liven Up! Act Alive! I understand we all have our down days here and there, but that does not mean you have to take it out on others! It doesn't mean you have to automatically hate others just because! It doesn't mean you sit something out in fear. No! I'm not a philosopher, of course, nor do I create theories. But there are two people that I know who are like this. Always needy, always pouty, never enjoying life, always SAD! I used to be like this, I used to hate school, I used to hate majority of people in the school. But, now, I'm just like wooooooooooo! I'm crazy, I know. But, I just wish these two people would stop. I love them very much, and live's too short to be like that. A person isn't gonna make you happy if you aren't happy yourself, and I learned that the hard way.

I'm writing because I have an 800-word paper due tomorrow. For a scholarship. I THOUGHT SCHOLARSHIPS WERE BY CHOICE. But nooooo, not in English class -_____- I barely have a paragraph and it's 12 am. Oh, well, I doubt I'm finishing, gonna leave it at 700 something pages or something along those lines.

This week wasn't very good. Actually, it was the worst week in a while. But, I'm still keeping a smile on my face, and I would MEAN that smile!

I am a procrastinator, and NOT proud :D

UPDATE: I'm NOT doing that stupid, obnoxiously long essay, I'm skipping/cutting first period tomorrow. Where am I gonna go lol?

Sunday, March 27, 2011

two things made my night tonight

I just got done talking to my aunt from DR, the best aunt ever, let me add. I haven't seen her in yeeeears, and she was just giving me advice on normal everyday stuff. The thing that got me was that she told me it saddens her that she couldn't be here for all those years of me growing up into a woman, pretty much. I was at a loss of words. It just amplifies how selfish I've been for these years to never think about theses things. After I thought about it, I'm like damn I miss her, I never use to think about these things but now it is sad that she wasn't physically here to go through these things with me :'( But, soon after, she sent me a voice clip of my little cousin (her daughter) saying that she loves me, and everybody here, my sis, my bro, my mom, my grandma. THAT made my night, she's the cutest little thing, she has the bigggest cheeks ever, TOO CUTE. It sucks so bad that I've never met her, though :/ But, if God decided these things then it must be for a reason, right?

Other thing that made my night:
So, I didn't talk to him for the entttttiiiiiirrre weekend. Friday, I was gonna go to his house, but he had to leave to a wedding, which took place on Saturday. (Random: I fucking burned my ear with the flat iron and it fuuuckingg hurts bitches) So, I missed him, yeah yeah -_- And today, randomly, he texts me because he just got home and tells me to call him. But, I was busy doing my mother's hair and after that I was gonna go driving with my dad. So, he was pretty upset and so was I. He also asks me if I can come over, but I said I doubted it, I had no hope. But then, he texts me out of nowhere (when I got home) and says if he can pass by because since I can't go over then he will. So he just came over outside and we stayed in his car for a while like 15 mins or so, and we just talked. It's amazing how we just met and it's not awkward at allllllll. How great is that? We talked about his wedding, about my night yesterday, about everything. I somewhat want to ask him to be my prom date but I'm the biggest punk in the history of punks SO I didn't. But, I don't know. Who knows? Blahh.

Anyways, that was what my night consisted of, besides being burned by my flat iron, and my mom being so demanding about prom dresses. BUT, she's actually pretty right because she knows what'll look good and what won't so I'm gonna listen to her now.

Hoping for a better day tomorrow :)
Thank you God.

I think my mom needs to understand that it's not HER prom dress we're shopping for.

I was shopping earlier with her, then went out, and just got home. Good thing she's sleeping because she probably won't let me go out next week if she knew what time I got here :x

Thursday, March 24, 2011

i give up

feeling like such a fucking douche right now.
wooooooooooooooow

true story

Everytime I watch the Jersey Shore and I see Ron & Sam, for some reason, I'm like,
"been there, done that."

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

oh gosssh

So I really liked this guy. And I wasn't a punk about it. We met at my friend's bday dinner like 2 weeks ago and now we're like best friends, I swear his calls make my night lol. Just best friends though, it's better that way. Oh, my dear blog, today was a good day. I gotta go study though, EMT Final -____-
Most likely I'm not gonna study though lol.
Hoping for a better day tomorrow :)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

So um..

I'm like this right now :D :D :D
lol
such a little freakin whore!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

before I go study,



I don't know if I wanna blog about this, but this is my blog, right?

Because I had to find my camera's memory card in my pigsty called a room, I decided might as well clean it. So, I did. I found a few things:
This came with the Vera Wang flowers, along with the perfume. I found this tucked in the depths of my drawer. My reaction, "Are you serious?!"

There was another thing I found, a note I wrote to myself last school year, here goes:

[I was supposed to open it on 2015]

Hey You!
November 19, 2009
I really don't know what to write about...I hope you're successful and happy :) I'm in my junior year.UGH! So stressful! Getting ready for college so I took all these CHALLENGING classes->every honors class possible except Anatomy & Phys. The family's OK. Mom's good, sis, bro, grams, cuz...I don't know much about the people in DR though...I won't even mention my dad. -___- Uhh...what else? Well, I have a boyfriend, his name is Chris :) he's very dear to me...we made 9 months the 16th and we've been through soooo much. I Love him though. I love him very much. Matter of fact, he just texted me & I heard the ringtone in class. OOPS :) I have such horrible writing, huh? I'm not doing it purposely but hey what can you do? I'm so tired OMG, I've begun exercising & eating right (kinda) today's my 5th or 6th day. And my healthiness rubbed off on Chris (LOL)..he eats healthy as well, I'm proud of him. My intestines are empty -_-, I'm really hungry. But anyways, I hope you're successful & happy, what are you doing? I hope you're in like medical school, nursing school, or practicing interior design. But really I don't care what you're doing as long as you're successful & happy. How's 2015??? Are cars flying around? O! When you read this call your teacher! She made me do this...it's cool though :) I have a headache. So chris' grandma is sick, she's complaining about stomach pains...I hope she gets better and healthier cuz I can't stand to see my babe like this & so sad, I really want her healthy too cuz it affects me...What else to say dude? I think for xmas we're driving down to GA. :) SOO exiciting (however its spelled) I can go on for years...........
SO I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY IN 2015!!!
I hope you're with chris too :)
:p
I hope this made your day!
Sincerely, with love :)
N.V.(Bradford) lol
C YA!
Ugh, I don't want to stop writing



Wooooow is all I can say, how times have changed. I don't know if I should throw this out, or keep it.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

or just somebody

For once I would like to write what ever I feel like on here and not care, but that's SO not the case. I seriously need to go to sleep, I absolutely hate nights. It's almost like my thoughts just race and I want to get away from it all. I think about everything. The most completely random thing just pops into my head and I wont leave. I must sound really crazy right now, but when I'm in bed I think about my whole entire day, memories, this, that. I think about all of my actions, what I did wrong, right, what I could've done differently, solutions to problems. And nobody's awake for this, maybe that's why I can't sleep, until real late. Maybe it's because I worry a lot? Yeah, maybe that's it.
It's kind of like this:
lol I was going to write an example but after I reread it I realized how crazy I sound, so no. Not gonna happen.

Ugh, I need help.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

we'll have a little bit of fun

There's so much to blog about, but so little fingers, or patience.
What was I gonna blog about?
OMG memory loss
No, early Alzheimer's.
That wasn't even funny ^
I have such horrible humor.
Can I just say that Sunday was the best day ever?!
And that I need to get off Tumblr because it just isn't helping me cope lol?
This week has been great so far!
But, of course, some nights aren't so great, I must admit.
I don't know.
I'll be back, I forgot what I was gonna say.
Seriously.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

am I wrong?

You know it's really sad how many times you've said sorry to me. I mean, I remember those times when there was no reason to say sorry. But damn this time you completely crossed the line. I don't know what the fuck was going through your head. Considering you're the only person I trustED, I was fucking astonished to even think that you'll back stab me, I had no idea it was possible. I was so angry I wrote something really bad that I shouldn't have..a lot of curse words in it. But, I forgive you, when don't I? But I don't think I could talk to you, I don't think I deserve these kinds of things happening to me.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

take it, take it all, take all that i have.


i've lost count of how many times i've played this song. I just love it so much. He's one of the reasons I love facial hair so much.

Friday, March 11, 2011

eek! eek!

um, yes. So I should be doing my paper right now, but omg I'm hungry, tired, sleepy, hot. Just everything. And, of course, procrastinating. Okay, I know it's bad, but in my case..procrastinating works. When I DONT procrastinate, my work SUCKS, I'm not even exaggerating. But, when I do procrastinate my work is golden. It's amazing how that works out, but it looks like I'm gonna be procrastinating on college as well. Did I mention I paid my Enrollment Deposit, and Housing Deposit as well as the Housing application. I can actually get a room sometime in April, the only thing I'm really bummed about is that the date I get to pick my room is one of the last days and i do not want there to be anymore rooms left on the building that I want to dorm in. Grr
I'm so hoping for no school tomorrow as the river is pretty much at flooding level, if not flooding already. But, noooooooooooo I bet they'll call at like 5 am saying I don't have school after I finished my essay when I could've been sleeping. How I HATE when they do that.
Today was good, something really embarrassing happened that I don't want to tell anybody because it's just that embarrassing, kind of funny, and kind of gross. Cuz I'm a gross person, what can I say. But, my day got better after I got home, lol. OMG

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

dear Nicolle,

I wish you'd stop procrastinating. Like, really. You have a 10 page paper due Friday and you still have not started. What do you do with your life? Oh, yeah, sleep and go on tumblr. Interesting life there. But, Nick, seriously, stop that, do your work. Oh, and also I wish you'd stop thinking about the past, all this hatred accumulating in you isn't very healthy. Start living in the present & be excited for your future, girly.

That is all.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

;)


It's the story of my life, though. It's really funny how it turned out, don't you think? I know you always end up missing me more, so I'm just gonna laaay. Sounds relevant, eh? Anyway, that wasn't what I wanted to write about.

Saturday:

I must admit that when I get a couple drinks in me, I start not to give a fuck. So, at the party my ex best friend who I haven't talked to in forever was there. Omg, what a draaaggg. At the end of the night I called her an ugly, hideous bitch. It's quite ironic because when I'm sober, I'm a worry wart, but when I'm partying IDGAF. Actually, what I am worried about is what I'm gonna do when I really start to party, like college and shit. I'm gonna be fucking dangerous. Not an alcoholic, let's get that straight. Even though I don't have much self-control, lol. Fun wise? This party was funner than that last one a while ago, I was much more comfy with the people there. But drunk wise, at the last party I was taking shots and shit, drinking vodka & all sorts. But at this party I drank 2 beers (OMG YES beer :O )and a bit of ciroc and a bit of hennessy. That is all, not so bad. My night was fun! I was sooo tired after, got home like around 2:30ish. Had fun, though.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

i do everything wrong all the freakin time
nobody calls me out on something i did good
just bad, after bad, after bad

:'(

I feel like fucking strangling you sometimes.

Monday, February 28, 2011

i don't freakin know.
Who knew to get money--that isn't even for entertainment, I'd have to act like a different person. I NEVER EVER was close to my father. NEVER. We never had that kind of father-daughter relationship that I could tel him what's going on, that I would hug him, or kiss him, or tell him I love him. And after that incident when he hit my mom, I've never been farther away from him than before, it's just hi, a little conversation, and bye. He was never there for me wen I needed a father figure, never went to places with us, I remember we shopped as a family very few times, and I don't even remember those instances exactly. It was always my mom. My mom did this, my mom did that. And, now, when I need him for college and told him two weeks ago that I needed money,he doesn't have it. I get it that he's tight on money, but my mother makes less than you and she still gives me what I need. I ask you for money seasonally you rarely have to spend any money with me. You told me yourself you were going to drive with me and everything. Did you do so? NO. My mom had to do it. She does everything in your absence for the adolescent years in my life. And when I speak to you or call on you for something you did, you don't even let me talk. You're always screaming, I have to ask you for permission to talk.And when I finally talk, I always get this lump on my throat, like I am now. I remember about a year ago, when I had that breakdown because I felt as if nobody at all cared for me. What did you do? You screamed at me like it was my fault I felt that way. And maybe, I'm disrespecting you or something, and I'm sorry for that, God forgive me, but seriously you expect me to get all touch-feely when I need something? Never in my life was I like that, so what makes you think I'm going to be like that now? And then you tell my mom. And offfffff course, she's on your side. Oh of course, nothing surprises me! It's hard to move forward when everybody's against me. And then, when I speak out about it, calling them out on what they did, IIII get yelled at. Okay, whatever, my bad. Forever alone.

correction*

ACTUALLY
that down there was not my 200th post, more like 193rd post, LOL! I think blogger counted my drafts as posts too...but I actually did the math and that wasn't my 200th post.

Sadness.
Not really.

this is my 200th post!

Besides John Mayer, I have this weird infatuation for weird patterned sweaters. Here are some examples,
I wish I knew why I found them so lovely! I see myself owning some in the near future. In other news, this is m 200th post! I'm really excited, it's like reaching a milestone. I can't wait 'til a few years when I can read back some of my pointless, dramatic, and random posts!

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

i dont know

I feel like I'm reaching for that light at the end of the tunnel. And no matter how hard and how MUCH I charge for it, I never reach it. In fact, it just keeps moving farther away, that light getting dimmer and dimmer and smaller and smaller.

:'(

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Edge of Desire

Hi, my name is Nicky. And I'm obsessed with John Mayer.


Young and full off running
tell me where is that taking me
just a great figure eight
or a tiny infinite

love is really nothing
but a dream that keeps waking me
for all of my trying
we still end up dying
how can it be?

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

so young and full off running
all the way to the edge of desire
steady my breathing
silently screaming
I have to have you now

wired and I'm tired
think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor
baby this mattress will spin on it's axis
and find me on yours

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

BRIDGE

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me
---------------------------------

Doesn't mean anything, I just really really love this song. Besides all the other 108348674524382652 John Mayer songs I've blogged about!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Monday, February 14, 2011

hm

counting the times you lied to my face.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

where is Kanye when you need him?

Before I begin my extremely tough Probability and Statistic homework, I'd like to spend my short time procrastinating. Or, in other words, blogging. I had so much stuff to write about, but everything just kind of evaporated into thin air because my mind is empty.

So I'll make this about two things I did this weekend. I finished my book, The Choice, by Nicholas Sparks, and I also watched a life-altering movie. Okay, it wasn't really life-altering, but it was definitely disturbing, to say the least.

What you see on the right is the book, of course. If you need anyone to state the obvious, call me! Anyways, I'm not going to review it or anything like that because I would say it's all based on perception. I enjoyed the book, I didn't love it, I'm not sure why but it could be because it wasn't around my age group or so. But, nonetheless, it was a GREAT book! I did cry at some parts, but I cry at everything. Even watching Full House. Full House? Yeah, Full House, I cried, it was sad. That's besides the point, but there were times in this book that I thought,'Oh, finally! No happy ending!' but after a while everything was just SO SAD, so then I was so rooting for the happy ending! And I was VERY HAPPY at the end. I thought I could handle sad endings, but apparently I cant. This week I'm going to look for a new book to read, who knows what that might be!
Oh, don't let that picture fool you. It's NOT a scary movie, I can't stress that enough. It was the reason why I decided to watch it, thinking it was scary and all. Boy, was I wrong! In my list of disturbing movies, this is definitely up there, besides that weird owl movie about the alien abduction plot going on. Now, THAT movie was disturbing, The Fourth Kind. Haha! I had to Google it. Anyways, Splice is about this dumb couple who are microbiologist who decided to mess with DNA and made that thing over there <-- But, the girl doesn't want to kill it because they want to make some type of new protein for humans. And then the woman pretty much starts having feelings for it, they call that thing Dren, and the couple are now parents of Dren, pretty much. So, Dren is now a teenager. And she starts drawing pictures of her father, which is the guy that made her. She fucks him! HAHAHAHAHAH! He has sex with this creature thing who breathes under water and has wings, and it looks like he enjoyed it! And to top it off the mother walks in while he's doing it with the creature thing! LOL! Fast forward, both of them mistake Dren as being dead but they didn't know she was actually turning into a he. Fast forward again, this new Dren that's now a guy is mean and kills everybody except the mother. The Dren-guy now fucks his mother. LOL, seriously, I'm not even kidding. Well, the Dren who is now a guy rapes his mother. This movie is fucked up. Then the mother kills the Dren-who-is-now-a-guy. Fast forward again, to the end of the movie, and now the mother is pregnant by the creature Dren-who-was-a-girl-fucked-her-dad-who-turned-into-a-guy-and-raped-his-mom-and-now-the-mom-is-pregnant-with-another-creature-type-thing-inside-her. How's that for disturbing?

Friday, February 11, 2011

:'(

I wish I could cry, as I'm so stressed, to just let some emotions out. But, I'm so drained out, I barely get any sleep, and I'm never fully awake, it's like I'm just shrugging through life. I get home, I promise myself I won't fall asleep-- I always do. Then, I wake up real late, stay up the whole night, sleep for two hours tops, go to school, sleepwalk, come back home and the process restarts. I have so much things going on and it's like I'm just standing in the middle of everything, not doing anything, but just watching everything just pass me by. I don't freaking understand. I make no effort to actually make myself productive, I have so many emotions just bottling up inside me, I don't know what to do. All I can do is just run my hand over my face and do nothing, I don't know what's going on, I don't know anything.

Ugh, at least I'm letting some emotions out by doing this, right?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

gf vs bf

her best prank, in my opinion:


his best prank, in my opinion:


These two make the cutest couple ever, I think I've seen all their videos <3

Sunday, February 6, 2011

sometimes words aren't enough to make someone feel as if you care for them.

sometimes, it needs a little effort.

figure skating



I've been on Heaven's doorstep,
With the Door open,
One foot inside
I've cried out...God give me answers!
Please hush child I'll tell you why....
Oh Gosh. He just told me he loved me. Um
??????????????????????????????????????
I never realized how much I hate the month of February. What was I doing this time last year? Oh, I remember. Especially the sixte--OH GOD. OH GOD. Erase Erase Erase Erase. Wow. I have to do it again: Erase Erase Erase Erase.
let's celebrating being aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive. Bitch.

'i come alive in the night time'

I do, it's pretty weird.
Gosh. I wish I had a puppy. That one being that you can trust with all your insides, and you know they won't disappoint. I need that in my life, or some semblance of that.

'I like the way you think' who doesn't?

He needs to goooooooooo away. He swears everybody wants him. Uhh, not me.

I wanna fuck you like an Animal.


lol, I know you do. I know.
Why is my room so dang hot?
I've told myself I was gonna use this as a Tumblr, but I never do. Why?
Hm. Maybe.
I'll post my guts on here. Becaaaaaaauuuuuse I love this template. Ahh I do.
I'm a genius for creating it, well I sort of did.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Wednesday, February 2, 2011



an addition to the insurmountable pile of shit. Where the fuck is my fucking applause when I fucking deserve it?

Friday, January 28, 2011

starting monday, february 1st, i believe, i would begin my weight loss! working out, eating healthy, taking my pills too :/. yeeeeess! i will not fail!

-excuse the grammatical/spelling errors. i am on my cellular device.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually single.

actually. As in, seriously.
As in I'm not with somebody, but somehow I feel like I'm betraying that one person.
I don't feel like that anymore.
Interesting.
Somewhat ironic, though.
Just the other day I was asking myself stupid questions about you that I didn't know the answer to.
I still don't know the answer to 'em.
But hey. I'm just trying to move onnnnnnnnn.
Is that so bad?

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

so damn beyootiFUL



you remember this?

Monday, January 24, 2011

iquit

He's my monkey and I'm his koala.
Because koalas sleep an average of
22 hours a day.
Kind of like I do.
Supposedly.
Lol

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

don't underestimate the things that I would do

OKAY can I just say I LOVE THIS NEW DESIGN/TEMPLATE/NEW LOOK?! It's so beautiful, it's so me, Ah! This is soo exciting!

My cousin, who I haven't seen in about 9 years came from NY yesterday. I'm pretty sure he's staying with us, if not living here. Okay so, I don't want to beat around the bush, I think he's gay. He doesn't look feminine or talk feminine but he acts kind of fragile-like. And he came with his 'friend' yesterday, and his 'friend' was definitely gay, obvious gay, no-doubt gay. After he brought all his luggage he went downstairs (I guess to say bye to his friend), but he stayed in the car for like 15 minutes and the windows were blacked out so I really couldn't see anything.

Yesterday, I really did NOT want my mom to be suspicious or anything because she's the worst homophobe ever. But, today, she came in my room and whispered to me, 'don't you think he's a little gay-ish' and I just nodded. I guess that rat's outta the cage! Hopefully, she doesn't turn against him or anything.
-----
I need to find something to wear for tomorrow.
I think I might just watch movies all night.
Because I slept all day.
Greatness.
I might watch: the wall street movie w/ Shia :D


only because I love this song

Monday, January 17, 2011

horrible day today

mixed signals

so im laying on my grandma's bed watching the cheetah girls, the last movie which I haven't even seen. I remember when like it was yesterday when I got the cheetah girls CD for the first movie, I got it for christmas! I probably still remember those cheesy lyrics, O God! and I just got into an argument with my friend. Great. Its times like this when I miss you. But I don't even know why I bother missing you, if when I simply try talking to you to straighten things out, I get attacked pretty much. And I'm sorry for texting you that night & for whatever else it is I did. To be honest, I don't like blogging about you because idk I just always end up regretting it.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

you had my heart inside of your hands, and you played it to the beat

I need this CD when it's released. She's beyond amazing.


music never fails me

i can't believe i still remember what happened

Before I even went out , I burned myself with the flat/curling iron and now I have this huge dark spot on my forehead. Though, it could be worse, I'm glad I iced it for soooo long so it didn't blister as much as it was supposed to. I really couldn't find anything at all to wear so I just ended up wearing some blue leggings with a vertical-stripe shirt and a cute jean jacket over it. I didn't get to leave home til like 9 almost 10 and by that time the party wasn't even started.

I got there and as soon as I got there I was pretty much welcomed by a shot. Not cute because I wasn't expecting that.

I hate when people try to make me jealous and it's obvious you're doing it. Besides that, I hate competing with a girl over a guy because I'm not desperate and it's not like the guy is a god or anything. So yeah, after I got there then others came and the party got really started. So he came and, of course, she was all over him. The funny thing is is that I could feel her looking at me while she was over him like she wants me to look at her or something. I did not look at her. Why give her the benefit? Lolol people are funny! Anyways, after she left to the kitchen or somewhere, he came right over and he's pretty tall but somehow he was inches away from my face and asked why I didn't come by him to talk to him. LOL! Do I look like a groupie kid? I just said why didn't he come by and talk to me? You want something, you get it. Nice concept, huh?

Okay so fast forward to when I was tipsy! And yes I was tipsy just tipsy, even though I was drinking straight ciroc, the coconut one. Which wasn't bad but the others didn't like it so much. Soo glad there wasn't any beer because I hate beer because it's disgusting. So by this time, I really didn't give an eff about that guy or her. Lol, you won girly, I'm not desperate. I was dancing and having a great time, I'm surprised I still remember.

So I had to go home early because my ride was going to start drinking and so I wanted to avoid anything from happening. And when I left, the party got reeeeally started. I heard some guy say 'the high school kids have to leave' and it was true lol, we had rides which were gonna get drunk now.

I was sooooooooo gone. I almost busted my ass going down the steps and I was laughing my ass off at my friend (she was drunk & gonnne) throwing snow at my other friend. I have no idea how I found this hilarious but it was the funniest thing to me.

When I got home, I drunk text which sucks because I do it all the time. I texted 2 people, best guy friend and this other guy. My best guy friend was being a bitch to me for noooo reason and I wasn't even doing anything. And he's gonna text me this morning talking about 'are you feeling better?' STFU. The other guy I texted was taking advantage of my drunkenness because he kept asking he how much I liked him and if he wanted to get serious when I told him a thousand times that I don't want to get serious with anybody. Hmm he thought I was really thaaat drunk. But besides that, he was being cute, he's already calling me 'babe' and I haven't been called that in a long time. I probably said some things I shouldn't have and I guess I would have to deal with those some other time.

I got hungry and I didn't wanna puke, but I ended up eating. And I got sooo tired so quick but I couldn't lay down because my head was spinning. But after I sobered up a little I fell asleep.

And that was my grrreaat night!

Friday, January 14, 2011

AP English bitches

How moronic must a being be? Actually, it's so ludicrous, it's laughable!!! I'm going to write, extracting all pretentious aspects of my life.

I'm enraged. No, not because of what's apparent, but, in fact at what's ambiguous. I wish I could just tear down the expanse along with the shackles and just sit and scrutinize, you know? Laugh at the ludicrous-ness, if that's a word. "Hmmm," I would say,"is this really authentic?" Of course, it would not be, as I tell myself, but sometimes you just don't want to know. And, perhaps, I might be held accountable for not seeking actuality. But, I live in my own little world, with happiness, perfection, and with two veils covering the side of my eyes, very much like horses. It very well is perfect, and happy but it's the farthest from factual.

I'm not going to dwell over whether or not what I write creates envy, or making others meta-morph into a 'green-eyed monster.'No. I should practice what I preach and search for things that are beneficial and that are actually concrete!

Like Daniel said, "you're looking in the wrong places." The weirdest people you would never EVER guess are the best philosophers. And I found this out today.


you gotta turn the vocab gene on sometime.

intentional


Class neeeeds to END! I love this phone lol <3

Thursday, January 13, 2011

i am tooooo broke

to get drunk on Saturday. Lolol idk what I'm gonna do, still gonna party though.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

i don't get it.

what is it that you want?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

untitled




i know i can't take one more step towards you; cause all thats waiting is regret; don't you know i'm not your ghost anymore; you lost the love i loved the most.


who do you think you are? runnin' 'round leaving scars; collecting a jar of hearts; tearing love apart; you're gonna catch a cold; from the ice inside your soul; don't come back for me; who do you think you are?

Monday, January 10, 2011

GoodBurgah

So, I ended up not doing the essay, or the project. Lol, the essay was a part of a test that I had today, I had a 60 on the test, multiple choice only. It didn't change my grade, not one bit. I had an 89 on that class and I still do. Of course, the essay could help me get a better grade, but EH. I am lazy. The project, WHICH I DONT UNDERSTAND AT ALL :), is due Wednesday. It's gonna snow 8-10 inches added to what's already accumulated. But, he's going to go over what we have to do for the project, so I won't have to rely on the snow to save me. I applied for FAFSA, still waiting on the results. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS I also have to be a good girl this week because there's a party on Saturday and I don't want to get in trouble with my mom *thumbs up* I'm gonna finish watching Salt, and after this:



So, because my birthday is the 22nd of September, I don't know if I fall under a Virgo or a Libra. When, I read Virgo horoscopes, I don't feel like it's me. So maybe I should read Libra horoscopes WHO KNOWS?

OH AND AUBURN IS FREAKIN NUMBER 1. WHERE WAS I? SINCE WHEN? This football season I've been kinda in the air because I barely watched games and stuff. Oh well.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

opposite

oooooooooooooh
i looooooooooooooooooooove thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis
:D
-------------------------------------------------------
I feel like I'm in a fucking relationship with my friend.
WTF is this ?!?!?!?
D:

Saturday, January 8, 2011

did you kill him, too?!?!?

Senioritiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis
to the max yo!
I have an essay type thing & a project that I need to do in a day. G r e a t n e s s, ain't it? I'm like seriously done with school.
I'm seriously failing (pretty much) probability & statistics, ugh!
Oh and I want to seeeeeeeeeeeeee black swan!
Oh and I need to exercise.
because prom seems so long from now, but the months are gonna come flying.
I hate these short blogs...I have nothing to say lololol

Monday, January 3, 2011

warfare

Ah, the wonders of having a 3G cellular device:
-i get to blog in track
:)

knives

What do I want? Someone to appreciate me. And to make me laugh SO IM NOT FUcKEN BORED ALL THE TIME. After all, I've learned not to expect anything from anyone, and expect everything from myself. #truestory

Sunday, January 2, 2011

they're growing on me



their accccccccccents. I checked to see if there are any tickets around the tri state area but noooo, only in Europe. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

it's 5:25

ugggggggggh.
why do i always have to play hard to get?
stupid, stupid.