Friday, December 31, 2010

ahh i love this

Florence and The Machine - Swimming

Phoenix - Girlfriend

i haven't posted any music in a while

because i like weird music
this song has no meaning behind it!!!!!!!! Just a title, relax.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


Dear future husband,
I can't wait to meet you. I just want you to know that, where ever you are, I love you very much. And although we're young now, I hope you're thinking of me as well.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

I'm so official, all I need is a whistle.

There's a new Nicholas Sparks movie coming out! I was right for ordering my books! Yeeeeah son :)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

that's the way this wheel keeps working

I thought I had nothing to blog about today. I always say this and somehow I always do have something to say/blog about. Today I looked sooo crappy. Well, not really, I kind of looked okay but not how I normally dress. All my clothes are dirty so I just had nothing to wear. So, because I am so smart (how condescending), I decided that I'm going to make something, and that's what I did.

I didn't make something from scratch. No, no. I took my long-sleeved jean jacket, it's kind of midway length, and I chopped the sleeves off! Now it's a vest. It looks really nice I can't even believe I made it look that way. So, I'm thinking of wearing it with:a shirt that looks somewhat like that (just the shirt) but it has another pattern of colors. I bought it at Urban Outfitters. Then I paired black leggings with that, and also my favooooorite boots which I have blogged about before that I bought at Forever 21. I love this outfit! Can't wait to spend my monaaaay :)

Also, my little darling did NOT come today :/ hopefully he, yes it's a he, comes tomorrow.


the moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon
is freakin beeyootiful

Monday, December 20, 2010

look at your physique

I'm so tired and I slept the whole day. I think I might stay up and watch the lunar eclipse, if I can even see it from my house.
Uh my little angel is in fort worth, TX. So, I don't think it'll be here by tomorrow. But, if it IS here by tomorrow, I would love USPS for ever!
I'm also gonna order some books from Borders soon, I don't know which ones. I would do so after I finish my homework. Which I don't feel like doing.

I digress!!

I'm gunna let u be leave u with what u believe but trust me when I say it will never be the same. I felt that way b4 u even came to realize what you were trying to say. I moved on way b4 you think and believe me i wont let it b the same

Oh..I just had to. You're gonna let me be? Okaaaaaaaay, why are you reading my blog then replying to it with a post? 'it will never be the same'? I've arrived at that conclusion decades ago, thanx captain obvious. 'I felt that way b4 u even came to realize what you were trying to say.' Does this even make sense? What was I trying to say? Wanna elaborate? 'I moved on way b4 you think and believe me i wont let it b the same'? You moved on? Lol, really? Then.........uh, answer this:
-why read my blog?
-why read my blog?
-why read it?
I mean, if a person has moved on and is completely okay and satisfied with where they are at, like you seem to be, why retrogress back to their 'past life' and read about someone they supposedly moved on from? Which is the sole reason why I changed my url, I didn't want you to see my posts. I guess it makes you the stronger person because you don't have to actually ask how's my life or anything like that because you read about it. But, then, I chose NOT to change my url because it's funny that you pretend you have no interest in me at all, and allegedly 'moved on' but in fact you haven't because, I can't stress this enough, you read my blog. And I'm not going to stop blogging, Christopher, so uh, if you're gonna type some BS to try to make me feel bad/sad or anything similar, look at yourself first & all your pathetic-ness.


Sunday, December 19, 2010


Ordered this beauty today (red one), can NOT wait until it gets here! Thanks mom!


See when I get the strength to leave you always tell me that you need me, and I'm weak because I believe you, and I'm mad because I love you So I stopped to think that maybe you could learn to appreciate me; then it all remains the same that you ain't never gonna change.
I guess I kind of was trying to say something when I posted the 'Messages From You' video....
God, they only thing I beg you is to please let me move fucking on. Please, just that one thing. Waste of my fucking time. You would think this would be easy but it's not. God just help me.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Due to the fact that I was stuck in the house all day babysitting, I was growing boooooooored. So! There's nothing better than a culinary project right? I wasn't in the mood for cakes/muffins/cupcakes or anything with flour, so I decided coffee it is. I'm not a big fan of hot coffee, I lean towards iced lattes/fraps/iced anything, but either way I decided to make a latte, homemade latte. I added some honey too, extra foam delish!
Oh, and I also got paid today $$$$$$$$$$$$.

Friday, December 17, 2010

i have to

I hate people.
this is too funny:
SO, I go check on my Rutgers & Penn State admission status (not that I care) but just to see, ya know. And they got my SAT scores, and everything, except my fucking transcripts. HA! Wtf goes on in my school's office? I gave those shitz to my counselor the first week of November, there's NO WAY they can't be there by now. LOL! This is why I HATE my counselor, but whatever, there's no way I'm going to Rutgers because it's like high school all over again because majority of the seniors are going there, so that's a definite NO. Penn State was a back-up just in case UA didn't accept me....BUT, they did! My school is sooooooooooo careless!

Oh! And yesterday I got an application for a student credit card! I'm gonna apply for it online here come the debbbbbbbbbbbbttttttttssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nono, I wouldn't do that to my mom, i'll spend WITH consideration ;) aaahh i'm gonna have a CC! :D

Ah, you have to be 18. No surprise there.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

woogity RSTPMO :)

Baby, you need to get things off your mind
I'm trying babe
If there's anything I could do, tell me please baby

This. is. annoying. You really need to say baby after every freaking sentence? No, not fucking necessary. Lol, maybe because I'm so full of anger (RAWR) but this makes me puke.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Messages From You

this song makes me cry. I don't know why, don't judge me :(
Why isn't Drake like this anymore??????????

Saturday, December 11, 2010

fucking horoscope

You might wake up feeling a little under the weather, perhaps too tired to go anywhere, and you'll want to stay in. Perhaps this is the best course of action for today. You may be tired and a bit stressed out, Virgo, and more vulnerable than usual to any bugs may be going around at this time. Drink lots of juices and get some rest. Tomorrow you will probably feel much better.


Friday, December 10, 2010


I really miss tumblr :/ I regret deleting my account. There were some really interesting blogs that I wanted to keep in contact with and now I can't. I don't fully regret deleting my account because people from school started reading it and that was way awkward. I might leave this for good and go back to my tumblr again. & keep it far far away from facebook. Tired of this, at least I shared some interest with my used-to-be fellow tumblrgang.

I'm gonna go make it now :D

Thursday, December 9, 2010


I really wasn't going to blog today as I had nothing to blog about. But, as I was picking out my outfit for tomorrow, I couldn't help but overhear my cousin & his girlfriend arguing. And when don't I have anything to say?! She sounded very upset, I could just feel the unhappiness in her voice. I heard him say that he needed time for things to change, and all this stuff.
My advice to her:
No matter how hard you think it might be, just let go. Everybody changes. Everything changes. Nothing stays the same BUT change. Even if it might be hard for you, create some type of distance. He's a cheater, he's cheated on you with several several girls. In fact, after he 'supposedly' hung up on you, he went downstairs because some girl was there waiting for him. And she has a boyfriend. And she knows that he has a girlfriend too. I don't exactly get the point of cheating, I mean you have someone already. If they're not who you thought they were, then just move on. There's plenty of fishes in the sea. But, my cousin, he's not worth your time. He's not about commitment, or honest relationships. The person you met and fell in love with is a stranger to the person that he is now, I'm pretty sure of it. He's treating you like a fool, as well as taking advantage of you because he knows you're going to be there when he comes back from his rendezvous. Let go. Even if it's little by little, personally, it's easier that way. And when the big bang comes when you've finally realized that this is the ultimate and complete END of a relationship, it'll be a passive bang because you've already created distance...

She's not going to read this, but just needed to get that out.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Never noticed how much I liked blogging.

Current status of my room. Now that my mom bought some new furniture, we had to stuff that huge couch in my room. So now my room looks sardine-like. Does that make sense? Anyways, I just made my sister & I some hot's so creamy! I can smell it :) it's really really hot though. No, nevermind, I just took two sips, and it's just warm. My sister & I bonded, yes. Earlier I gave her some honey on my finger and she didn't like it. WHAT? Honey is bomb. Maybe it was just my finger that made it taste weird. Who knows.

I'm DONE with my Anatomy work. Notice I didn't study though. I will study tomorrow, during some class. I have an early early chronic form of SENIORITIS. I don't feel like doing anything, I'm easily distracted (way more than I originally was), all I want to do is: SLEEP. Which sounds really intriguing right about now. But I'm gonna play this little cute app after and then maybe hit the hay, who knows.

I really feel like an air-head about the whole college thing. I don't know, I wasn't expecting news until way later in the school year...and I received it recently, so now I'm just like HUH? I still can't believe this is it, I'm going to college. Ok, not till a couple of months, but STILL. Oh Gosh, it's incredible. I can seriously say when I read the letter I just sat there, re-reading. My mom told my grandma before I even opened it that I got accepted because it said (on the outside) U are UA. I really had no idea, I thought it was just to let me know that they received my application. But, of course, after it sank in, I did my little paper dance, very hard to explain, it takes serious skill to do such a dance. And I did it. Because. I. am. Bomb. It came with this little car window sticker thing that says Univ. of A. (don't feel like typing the whole thing), I put that on my window because I don't have a car. I don't even have my license baha! Of course, I have to put in my enrollment deposit as well as the housing deposit and food meal and all that stuff, but that's l a t e r. So pretty soon (without you even wanting to) you're gonna be cheering for Alabama.

Oh, yeah, and the scholarships too.

Down corridors

My venting mechanism! Oh, how I missed you.
Hah! Anyways, I just got home from school with bad bad lower back pain, I should have never done sit-ups on the freaking floor with no mat or anything. Learned the hard way. On top of that it never crossed my mind to go to the pharmacy & now I'm too comfy to go out anywhere so I'm just going to wait until tomorrow. It also never crossed my mind that today is my dad's birthday. Well, uh, happy birthday father...

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

ok so elena & damon belong 2gthr

this song is obsessing. beware.
& if u listen to this in a car, it goes in your soul OMGG.


I have SO much do this week you'd think I would of taken advantage because I didn't go to school today. But, as usual, I didn't. I have an anatomy & physiology test thursday, but besides that I have to do the outline, sheets, study guide, and review sheet for that class by Thursday. Tommorow, I have probability & statistics homework due ALL of which I don't understand and it's SOO much, pretty sure it's over a hundred problems he gave us...don't get any of it (bad teacher). I have a 5-6 page paper due in History on Friday :) I Have Not Started! As well as a Chapter outline. And this chapter is sooooooooooooooooooo long. By the end of December, I have a research paper due in English, which I haven't started or anything like that. I don't know, I'm just so fucked it's amazing. And, of course, I'm here blogging like an idiot as if I don't have anything better to do. FanfuckingtasticO!

Monday, December 6, 2010

jbrgljwhrjgngashgjlkvrm HA!

Ok, so I really wasn't expecting this until March, April, or May

guess who got accepted?!?!?!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Shouldve never made plans with two people

Friday, December 3, 2010


this new template makes me want to puke.
I just googled puke, because I google everything nowadays. So there's this word: emetophile. I believe it is an adjective, depicting an emetophilliac.
a sexual fetish in which an individual is aroused by vomiting or observing others vomit.

That's definitely intriguing.
When emetophiles put emetophilia into practice by actually vomiting, especially on a partner, it is called a Roman shower, after the supposed frequent induction of vomiting at Roman feasts.


Thursday, December 2, 2010


i WANT to do this to my hair SO bad, but I'm just too freaking punk to do so & my mother would kill me.


this deserves its own post.
oh yeah YANK THESE.


yeah that 'deactivation' was definitely temporary.
I have a lot to do, deff should not have napped for like 5 hours earlier, but I've just been like SICK tired everyday now. And tomorrow, I don't come home till who knows because there's a parade and I have to go. I don't even know what to wear, and I have to flat iron my hair. Blah. I really need to do some laundry. I really need to get started on my history project, as well as the outline. And I need to read beowulf & start my research paper. I need to finish all my anatomy stuff & take EMT more seriously.

I need an organizer, or a declutter-er person.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Deactivated my facebook account.
Feeling accomplished :D

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Big Apple

So I just checked and it turns out that UA got my transcripts and everything yesterdaaaaay the 29th :D I don't know HOW this was possible, but oh my God is all I can say. Now, hopefully, I get some type of scholarship!!!! I can't even believe it, I keep checking back lol this is unbelievable....

Sunday, November 28, 2010

OMGGG. dying. So, first, the UA scholarship deadline is the first of December. I gave the permission to release my transcripts to my counselor the fifteenth of November, and UA still hasn't received it yet! What is going on? I'm literally so freaking stressed, and I'm pretty pessimistic about my transcripts getting there on time. Arrghurhgisrgerghrgirhs. Stressed. If I don't make the deadline it doesn't mean I won't get in necessarily, I just won't be considered for scholarships. God, God, GOD! I believe in miracles. I do I dooooo. ♥

a bit of everything eat pray love

We can just acknowledge that we have a screwed-up relationship, but we stick it out anyway. We can accept that we fight a lot, we barely have sex anymore, but we don't want to live without each other...and that way we can spend our lives together. Miserable.......but happy not to be apart.

Being unhappy but being happy. Consider it a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so long pouring myself into us, trying to make it work.
Those tears, unexpected ones, who knows where they come from because one minute we're practically begging the other to love us and to take us back. But the next minute we can't stress enough the fact that we sometimes hate each other and wish we never met at all. But, here they are, those tears. The waterfalls.

Then those memories of how happy we were once, the way we laughed and talked. Which makes me realize, how could I not give this one last try?

But one thing is constant. Change. I guess you can say we've both undergone some type of transformation. If it wasn't daily change, it had to be weekly/monthly/or yearly, but we did change. I don't know if it was for the better or worse...I can't specify. But we're done so one can conclude that the change was for the worse.

its been a minute eh?!? a little more then a week away from when my baby first said "you mean everything to me" and "i love you"! its weird how things work out me n my girl have been together for almost a year and we've been thru sooooo much and we've done it together. I honestly couldnt be any happier. ive gone thru things she hasnt gone thru yet but shes still right there by myside everytime somethin happens she never leaves me hangin or to deal with it on my thats a true AMAZING girl n i love her with everything i have in me she truely is amazing and im soooo glad im with her and that we've fought thru everything to get to where we are now .. noone could possible know how much i love this girl maybe some of u do..shes the one i know she is and ive known it since the very FIRST time i talked to her i just couldnt be any happier...anyways i gotta catch up on VD so check ya later!!!

Brings me to tears how you're not like that anymore. I guess these tears aren't random. But, back to what I was saying, we all want things to stay the same. We settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. But then I look back at the things in my life and I think that it isn't my life that's been so chaotic, maybe it's the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it, much like I was or am attached to you. But ruin or change for the worse, I guess you could say, is a gift. It's the road to transformation.

But you and I must be prepared for endless waves of transformation, because everyone changes. And I'm not saying you're the only one who changed or playing the blame game or anything like that. To you I've probably changed, and maybe you changed because I changed and you were adapting to my ways, who knows. But, that isn't the point.

Both of us deserve better than staying 'together' because we're afraid we'll be destroyed if we don't.

And, I'm not going to add the whole, " if we're meant to be, we'll end up together" cliche. Because what if we're not meant to be. What if we stay in each others lives and never truly be fine with each other's relationship with new, other people. And I won't be, I'll be happy for your happiness, but I won't feel fine or okay with your relationship with another person as long as I love you more than a friend, as long as I'm in love with you. And maybe that's selfish, but it is the truth.

"God laughs at those who make plans. " So, make him laugh. I think you should go somewhere, have fun, a little vacation, with your kids. Go to the arches, or something...just have fun.

And, let's not dwell on each other.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


just checked my stats out & people actually do read this
kinda sad they don't leave comments :/
h e l l o there. . .you, stranger.

Monday, November 22, 2010

i'm so freakin stressed & upset & just everything in between. urgh -______-

Thursday, November 18, 2010

just one of those times..

this movie completely morphed me into a big ball of nothing. Life isn't fucking fair.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Oh, God

Dear God,
Please inspire UA to look inside their hearts and accept me into their university. Please make the admission counselors reach even more within their heart so I can receive a scholarship, or financial aid or some type of monetary value so I can go to that school. Please, please, I busted my ass these 3-4 years to get into the school of my choice and get a scholarship as well. Pleeeeeeeease God!

Ok, I'm done. I love you God.

Friday, November 12, 2010

for christopher

if you don't like this then you're not worthy of listening to onerepublic either

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

For my boyfriend

They say the human body has over 50 billion white blood cells, and I need
e v e r y s i n g l e o n e
because you
make me
You are the fish that I would throw back,
but some reason
as opposites,
we attract.
We show our admiration in love taps,
"I HATE YOU!" matches in
All the qualities of my soul-mate,
you lack.

I wrote you a poem once,
I mounted it and framed it...
oh, it was p e rrrr f e ct!
And you gave me a pat on the back,
and said,"Hey, good stuff..."
That was it.
Your attempts at being romantic
are simply pathetic
The last massage you gave me...
The first time you cooked me dinner,
I had to pump my stomach.
And YOU, you, you ,yooooooooou
just like picking fights.
If I say go left,
you say right.
If I say it's day, you swear it's
n i g h t.
You still think our anniversary is the 10th of May
It's the 9th!!!
of March...
The Golden Arches is the closest thing to jewelry I've ever seen from you.
For my last birthday, you gave me a
You wear socks with your sandals!
And, no, not the short ones...
the one that pass your ankles!
My idea of a tranquil evening involves a good book.
And peppermint tea :)
Yours only requires your PS3!
You're a die hard football fan.
I like baseball.
And like most lactose products,
we just seem to disagree.
You think Megan Fox is the epitome of beauty.
I think she's overrated and her lips are crusty.
You like chicks that are busty.
And I'm a proud member of the:
Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

I remember the last time I cried,
you gently wiped my
e y e s
and whispered
And I know it's bugged but I still love you.
Like Whitney Houston loves crack...
But some reason,
as opposites
And truth be told,
that romantic crap usually doesn't last.
Flowers die,
and many diamonds given.
May as well be cut glass,
but what matters most is that
c o m p l e m e n t
Like a i r though my l u n g s,
And there are over a trillion nerves
and you
you get on every single one.
You know you do!
But, for some reason, that's why I
I love you.
A poem I heard, besides the 'imperfections'
I love you.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

chris doesn't blog anymore..

Sunday, October 31, 2010

on second thought..

I'm just letting out something that should've been let out a long time ago, bear with me. I'm going to sound really kiddish...

I really can't wait to meet new people. I mean, I'm so so so glad I've gotten close to my close friends that I'm with now, but I still feel this anger just waiting to erupt whenever I see ->those people (you should know who I'm talking about). & he goes on to say, "I gave you the time to cool off that you needed." WTF? You're the one talking about me and still deny it to this day. Which does not convince me at all because my mind is never going to change. I remember one day he said it himself that THEY were talking about me..they said, and I quote that I act "white" lol, and something about my relationship which I don't remember, because again it has no importance. Then, he "supposedly" said something to defend me, but NOW since you're like them and talking about me as well, you really think I'm going to believe the fact that you "defended me"? But what PISSES me off is how can someone's "best friend" stay friends with people who talk about their best friend? It seems illogical to me. But, it's okay, because of this whole deal, I came close to people and I don't miss one of them, except him, of course, because he was my best friend. I don't go out with them on weekends because they live pretty far, but that's the only downside. And I now for a fact, that he has no other friends other than that little group of three other people. And the only reason they tolerate his ass is because of his car, that's all..he's their personal chauffeur. But whatever, I forgave them all, and I'm not holding a grudge or anything, I just decided not to be friends with them. God can do whatever he wants with them...

Monday, October 25, 2010

stay the hell away from me

I'm all about the blues now.
I don't know what's wrong
Only sad songs are fulfilling to me.
i guess it's bittersweet poetry..

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

my hannnds :(

How can I sleep tonight, eh?
Things to do:
this is for chris lol

*i have to go to teachers so they can write their signature to verify my extra-curriculars
(To chris: I need to do this THIS week, I need two more signatures, remind me during the school day pleeeeeeeeeease)
*do Rutgers essay & give it to my teacher
(tomorrow I can't do it because I have to do a project :/ so maybe after tomorrow remind me)
*tell my mother to sign the transcript release form
(hmm..signing is easy so remind me soooooooon)
(omg yes, after friday remind meeee)
*UA application isn't so pressing in time because I don't really have to write an essay)
*remind me to tell my dad/mom of the application fees
*e-mail teachers for recommendations
(after friday)
This is it S O F A R. I probably forgot some stuff, but I'm still working on it.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Daughtry - What About Now

so this is the song Chris is gonna sing to me someday, so he has plenty of time to learn it. Personally, I do
not like this video because to me the song has nothing to do with like world-wide issues and stuff. To me, it's about love in relationships. Oh! and the leader of the band is called Chris :)
I love this band :D

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

fo shiz

Is it weird that I see this kid in my teacher?? I mean, every time I look at my teacher it's sooooo awkward because I'm picturing this kid and then when my teacher looks at me back, I feel like he's reading my mind and then it's even more awkward. Or maybe I just look at my teacher too much and get too many ideas that I shouldn't be having...maybe it's because this teacher is like 28ish? 27? and maybe THAT'S why I picture this kid. It's sooo weird, I was just thinking about it and I thought I'd write it down. Oh, by the way, there was this paper due for him and I swear I did wonderful on it, and he gave me a 90 -_- that REALLY irked me. Oh, I now know the proper way to say erk is irk he erked me is actually irked :) spell check is the bomb diggity fizzzzz

thank God for capsules

These past few days I haven't been doing anything that has to do with college. The thing is that I don't have time to sit down and fill out applications, or maybe that's an excuse too. I think a while back I wrote down my college list here but eh I can't find it. I said I was going to apply to NYU but that's a no. One, I don't like the city (people gasp when I say this but it's true I don't really enjoy the city). Two, IFFF I get accepted, and there's a high possibility I won't be, I probably won't be going to the college in the world would I...I don't even know. So THIS is my up-to-date college list:
1. UA (offff course)
2. Penn State
3. Rutgers
and that's all for now. The application deadline for UA is February 1st...PLENTY time! And I have to write no essay, which is fabulous and gives me no excuse to procrastinate...wait what am I waiting for to send it? I THINK I'm pretty sure it's my SATs. Oh, I registered for the November SAT :/ I really do have to take it to get a bit better, ya know? The app deadline for Penn State is November 30 which is around the corner! And I also have to give this thing from that college to my counselor so she could fill it out. OH! Did I mention she sprained her ankle and is out till Wednesday?!!?! Perfect timing! I'm not heartless or anything, I hope she gets better, but I'm just sayingg. Rutgers application deadline is...I don't even know! Let me check...oh it's November 1st for early action and December 1st for Regular. So the first thing I have to do is get the thing filled out for Penn State when my counselor gets back. Oh! And I have to get my extra-curricular sheet filled out as well, which I hate doing. Reason being because I hate bothering teachers and stuff. OHHHHHHHH! Which reminds me I have to get my recommendations too! Oh ma gawd !!! I have to ask away! See every time I think of something, something new comes into my list of stressors, it's not cool at all. But yes, I don't know what other colleges to apply to because REALLY if I don't get accepted to UA i'll be devastated and I don't know what I'll do. I'm just going to think positive! Cloud of positivity surrounding my head! Yes!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


I must write about this because I need to get this off my chest and because I don't want to forget later, as well.

Okay, so, I have to stop screwing around and putting off stuff until last minute. I'm tired, I'm sick, and I just have to do what I have to do correctly and on time. Today, since I barely had any work, I started to fill out my applications (UA & PS, so far). I still have to apply for the November SAT and the deadline is October 6, meaning I have two days before the tardy fee is added..i think they add like $20 more or so. But, yes, I need to REGISTER ASAP. Really, I don't even know if I want to take it. One, my last SAT scores aren't so bad and the colleges I'm applying to don't really need high scores. Two, I haven't been studying, which I definitely need to do. And three, I'm not sure my scores going to increase by so much, and overall I just hate this test.
I'm planning on having all my applications done by the end of October, I know it's going to be hard with school work and other things, but I HAVE to do this. I need to get organized.
I also need to have a sit down with my dad, and explain all this to him because my mom can't do everything all by herself and I also have to apply for FAFSA pins for both mom and dad. The thing is that I'm pretty sure he's going to say he has bills and other shit to do (just like he did with the braces), but in reality this should be his number one priority. It sickens me that he doesn't even care to ask me how I'm doing in school, how my grades are, what colleges I'm applying to. And then when he asks me school related questions out of the blue, its super awkward because he's rarely done it before. But yeah, he's going to pretend like he understand this whole college process thing and he's really not going to get it, then he's just going to totally forget about it, because like I said he has other priorities.
My relationship with Chris is just a whole other complex category I don't even want to begin to get into. Lately, it's just been I don't even know...
I need to get more sleep.
There was more I wanted to say but I forgot....

Monday, October 4, 2010


i dont know what's wrong with me..everybody is pissing me off. Especially people in school..i just wanna gooooooooooooooooooooooooo awaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

i got 99 problems, and they all b*tches

So I was gonna blog but I decided to look for some music since my iPod is empty.
i love kid cudi :D

Monday, September 27, 2010


is this a fuckin orgy party in my house?!?
Get Out!

Are you a pork chop?

Are you? I don't even know what being a 'pork chop' is exactly. Even after reading it, I still don't get it. Actually, I only posted this because some kid doesn't like pork chops, and so I googled, 'pork chop.' And I've never tasted pork chops...but I do like pork, so I don't know what's the difference. But yeah, if you are a pork chop..."Please don't be, you're making me sick."

God, help me.

"You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter."

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Sunday, September 26, 2010, 9:44 PM

Um, I must go shower now D:this picture is cute x3. I just wanted to say that I'm going to blog a lot. Like I did back in July and stuff. If I remember, I think. Yeah, the posts might be as pointless as this one. And, so, um, yes, hmm, that's all. Ok, bye.

Friday, September 24, 2010


Today was great! No, beyond great! Of course, it started slow and all but my first period teacher was absent! He really intimidates me, makes me feel like I'm a dummy so I don't really say very much in that one does actually, cuz every one feels the same way. But, he IS a good teacher. I mean, he makes you think, not ordinary thinking, but it's like complex thinking lol (i'm not weird, don't judge me :p ) and he makes you realize things you never would have noticed. Besides that, throughout the day nothing really stood out, it was normal. Oh! I actually TALKED to my counselor (ahaha) we have the same names so she BETTER remember mine & my face :) we talked about college and all that cute stuff, but she's really cool and laid back (I still think she's somewhat lazy) but maybe it's because I'm adjusting...
But after schoooooooooooooooooooool, ah! So I went to the band actually I went to the bathroom first to change, but nobody was in there so I went to the band room and everybody was there..well, majority of color guard (like 18 girls give or take). So I just sat down and talked and looked at my transcript and all. Side note->I should really be proud of myself, I get really good grades and I take college classes and I have a lot of credits already! I should really give myself more credit for doing that and not beat myself over. Okay, so we were in the band room for a I was decided, "Let me change since I know we're gonna practice." So I changed, then I found out that we don't really have to then I had to change back lol. After that, we went and practiced with the band (ugh im tired of typing already) So we only had 1 song choreographed and the other three, we had NO idea. So then we ended up using a warm-up dance in the actual half-time. It was just a jungle really.
So then comes the game! Uhh..long walk from the band room to the field is ALL i have to say! Lol, I mean, if it was an actual WALK I'll be fine..but we have to MARCH, pick up our KNEES. After a while, your calves get tired. But what we do different is we add shoulder..I LOVE DOING THIS! It adds more feminine features to the march and you look classy and hot!'s true. But yeah, I love entering the field, it's really great! There wasn't many people there and I was happy because I didn't want a lot of people seeing me mess up. So after, we didn't even sit on the stands! We actually freakin went to choreograph flag work and it took us the TWO QUARTERS. And to top that, the other team scored in the first minute of the game -_- tuff shit. Anyway, I had NO idea how she expected us to remember because after I was like,"WHAT?" OH! WAIT! After we march in the field and we go get on the stands just to stand there for a while before we go to practice, as I'm walking down the steps, GUESSSSSSSSSS WHO I SEE? The whole group of people I don't walk to anymore! Lol, they were all looking at me and shit but I wasn't even acknowledging them, I was too fabulous with my glittery uniform and flag! And one thing that really erks me is that he like keeps staring at me as if I'm gonna look at him. I could feel his eyes on me, NO DUDE no matter how much you look at me I'm not going to look, I'm not going to even act like you're there. I know that it gets under his skin and I know it bothers him so much, but I enjoy that. I'm not evil or anything but hey! You chose who your "real" friends were so just move along. I also know that he's NOT over me. I mean, I've known him since eighth grade, and by now I know him sooo well. But whatever!
So comes half time (OH GOSH..the stands are FULL at this point, mind you) and I'm like super nervous...they actually tied 14-14 before we went on the field which was good. I was jumping and everything lol I'm goofy. But we go in in a straight line which forms into two circles. The girl in the front thinks that just because she's captain she has to be first. If she's first our circles looks retarded because it breaks in the middle because I end up in the back. If she really desires so badly to be first then I should go behind her because she's next to me in the circle. But whatever...she messed up anyway in the first FIRST part anyway. Um half-time was nooooooo good. Lol, we messed up a lot! A WHOLE BUNCH of times! It was just ridiculous..some girls didn't catch their throw, other forgot parts of the flag work, and others, like me, forget the parts of dances. It was crazy! At one point, I heard my name...all I thought was, "noooooooooooo somebody I know is watching me make a fool of myself!" After we got off the field, we ALL laughed at each other's mistakes it was soooooooooooooooooooooooo hilarious! So yeah, 3rd quarter we could do whatever we want but we had to be back by fourth so I went and ate.
4th quarter was the best! Our dances in the stands were amazing! We had sooo much fun! I loved every part of it! And the band was beyond amazing too! Makes me upset that I didn't do this since freshman year..I could be captain!
But yes this girl is very tired. I have an essay and a test on I'm gonna start reviewing (YES TODAY) I can't procrastinate anymore D: Maybe by March I can just relax (yeah right). But I am REALLY tired and REALLY sleepy so I don't know if I'm really going to review my stuf...Tomorrow I'm going out for dinner with my Dad, if he didn't forget. AND I CANT WAIT UNTIL NEXT FRIDAY :D!
Oh..they ended up winning 34-14 too :)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

i love this.

"i'll never let your head hit the bed without my hand behind it.."

Saturday, September 18, 2010

let's all just barf simultaneously.

So I deleted my tumblr :O! I'm so glad I didn't delete this though. The reason why I deleted it was because...I don't know. A shitload of people found it and things just weren't personal anymore and after school started everyone on there got boring. There's only ONE person that i enjoy reading what they post and that's it. So, whatever. I'm back on this, whoever else reads it. I don't care. On there, I can't even write stuff and get judged and then un-followed. It's stupid, but to each his own right?
But that's not why I wanted to blog. I just wanted to emphasize the fact that I'm so damnnnnnnnnnn stressed! I barely get homework, yeah, but the whole college thing mannnn. I'm like so freaking lost:
1. I don't get the applications.
2. I don't get the whole financial aid thing.
3. The counselor I've had for TWO years is changed into this other lady, she seems so out of it and lazy! Arrrghh how can a guidance counselor, a SENIOR counselor, be freaking lazy? HOW? What the EFF. She has an attitude as well (not with me) but with other students. She's careless I tell you! The only thing that I liked was that she liked my flower headband thing. She complimented it :) but that's alllllllllll. :'( and I don't want to go to the other counselor cuz she has students as well and I don't want to be a burden.
4. Everything about college is MONEY. Money here, and there. It's a business, not a school.
5. My mom! She's as lost as I am cuz she's never dealt with the whole college thing. But she doesn't listen! All she does is yap yap yap. Listen to me!
6. My college list. Only thinking of one college, maybe two. But I don't know. I can't just apply to two colleges, maybe five or so.
I can't procrastinate, either.

Monday, August 16, 2010


It's hilarious how peaceful I am after finding out a whole bunch of shit out. Lol, it's funny. Then again I don't even know if it's the truth because you never know with this fucking guy/girl whatever. And this load of bull would have been still going on if it wasn't for me. I'm seriously the key to my happiness. I now realize that whichever fucking day it was that I met you was the worst day of my life and I was right for saying I regret meeting you, whoever you are. I now realize that February 16th was the day I let you come and take away any semblance of happiness I had left. But now lol now I'm seriously happy and seriously okay with everything that's going on in my life. I'm so ecstatic that this is finally happening! Lol and the funny part is all I had to do was get rid of this mother-effer secretly ruining my life. I wish I wouldve done this sooner. I hate you :) no matter of fact I THANK you for making me realize this! Think of how miserable I would be right now. Haha, thinking that you're happy and this and that. Lol all bullshit! And stop with all this pity shit blah blah blah. The last thing I feel for you is pity and the first thing I feel towards you is hatred. Fuck you, whoever you are. And I hope God punishes you for what you did. You dont need anger management, what you need to get is a life really. And maybe go to psychologist so he/she could diagnose your compulsive lying. Oh and go to school too, you need some help with uh grammar. Pretty much help with the whole brain area darling. Don't fuckin contact me, get the fuck out of my life. This is my last blog I won't give you the benefit of reading about my life and shit. I'm off to tumblr! And if Kate or anyone for that matter ends up with! Their life is gonna be pure hell! I mean you're gonna have to be walking around with a lie detector all the time hanging from your mouth to catch you on a lie. Lol isn't that funny!! I was gonna say bye but you're not even worth that much.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

won't give you the benefit

i knew this all along, just too naive.
and if you are who you say you are, prove it.
that's all i ask: prove it.
oh! I guess you can't cuz that's you :-O
have fun in NY :)
so glad im getting outta here soon!

Friday, August 13, 2010


make sure kids are sleeping before you have sex!!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Military Reunion

this made me cry :'(

Monday, August 9, 2010


I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own home. I'm woken up way early to babysit. Take the kids a shower, get them dressed. After my grandma finishes cooking, I feed them and if I feel like eating what she cooked, then I eat. Then after that I usually have to wash the dishes, clean the stove, and mop the house before my mom gets home bc if not she'll completely freak out and start screaming at me, which I try to avoid. When she gets here, she doesn't say hi to me, just to my brother and sister. Doesn't say a word to me. Then, after a while, she yells at me because of something I did wrong or because I didn't clean my room or something. OH YEAH, like I have a whole bunch of time taking care of YOUR kids to do my own shit. After that she doesn't leave me alone. Do this, do that, don't forget to do this even before I even finished doing the first thing you told me to do. I don't go out. FOR NO REASON. Today, my friends invited me for some pizza, called her to ask her, she said, "Oh, I have to do this and that after I get off from work and there's no one to take care of the kids." I just asked her why does she do these things to me and she said," I don't know." SO apparently, she's doing this crap on purpose because she knows what shes doing. So I'm stuck in the house ALL DAY LONG, catering to her needs. She doesn't wash her plates purposely just so when I'm done eating I have to wash mine and hers because if I leave hers there she throws a fit. Another thing if I eat, she constantly tells me,"you're gonna get fat," "you look like a cow," "you're not gonna be able to walk through doors." This and that. Leave me alone! If I want your opinions, I would ask you! I go through this every single day! On Sunday, she doesn't work. But NO. She spends the whole morning/some of the afternoon out doing whatever it is. Nails, hair, whatever..never spends the only day she has off home..always has something to do. It's not even like I'm a bad kid. If it's grades she cares about well then I get good grades what else do you want? What can I do to satisfy you? How better can I be? I really can't wait till I go to college and have some time to myself and meet new people and get away from this town from everyone. This school year better go by quickly.

-stuck inside this house
-occasional meals
-clean everyday
-no time for myself
-i do everything wrong
-total disappointnment

Friday, August 6, 2010

i'm forced to read books online ugh!

Align Rightsomebody left me this on tumblr:

it made my day :)

--Oh! And I finished ONE book! 48734067306q3487983478923 more to go!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

handsomeness? nononno hawtness!

I think about life. 
And oh how it changes so fast.
And oh how it's so hard to last here waiting for something to give.

I think about time. 
A luxury so hard to find.
And I just can't figure out why I wasted it all here without you.

But I'll be fine, oh don't you worry. 
Cuz I'll be fine, see I'm in a hurry to be gone away a while. 
Tell me all the things that I. . .
I'll be missing here in this whole life man cuz I just don't know.

I think about you. 
And all of the times that we shared. 
And oh what a wonderful pair.
We've made it so far here we go again.

I think about love.
And oh what a beautiful song.
And oh how it needs to be sung here.
Sing it so loud all the world can hear.

I think I'll be gone away a while. 
Tell me all the things that I. . 
I'll be missing here in this whole life man cuz I just don't know. . I just don't know.    

been infected/left me neglected

just trying to hurry and blog pretty quickly cuz this guy is waiting on me & he's acting super weird as well. I just wanted to blog about something that happened to me today that i think i would NEVER forget.
So my school's newsletter came in the mail today, it was pretty much all about the graduating class and all. And the valedictorian is off to some college, studying some major, hoping to be come a cardiac surgeon. And my mom reads it. A while after, when we're in my room, she says something about how she wants me to help her with money once I'm a professional and all. Then she brings up that girl who wants to be a cardiac surgeon and she says," That should've been my daughter." Then she goes on to say, "How proud I would be if I can say my daughter is a CARDIAC SURGEON." I just looked at her and told her I would never forget she said that. Then she tried to butter me up and say," Oh you can be whatever you want blah blah BLAH." Really? SORRY FOR BEING A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOU.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

oooo ooo oooo


i hate paid programming!

omG! I have so much to blog about I dont even know where to start! I'm pretty darn obsessed with tumblr! i.cant.get.enough. It's just so darn friendly! Ok ok, I haven't done shit. Like all the books I have to read and stuff? Haven't even finished ONE! And I have a month to go, btw. UGH UGH UGH, MY LIFE!
Anyways, it's 2:43 am and my neighbors are LOUD. Ok, I get it's friday and all, but you can take your damn hookah/marijuana/drinking party inside! I don't wanna hear you and I dont wanna get high either..if it's possible to get high even though I'm not near them. By the way, I don't like my neighbor. You know those people that are old, with kids, and REFUSE REFUSE to age with decency..that's HER. Can you stop freaking partying and shit? Have you got no fucking brains? You've got a kid, are you not embarrassed by the way you act in front of him? Oh, and while you're at it, would you stop fucking my cousin. K, thanks. I mean, I think she's the one who messed up my dad...more than he already was. After he started hanging out with her, she introduced him to some of her friends, and he's been playing my mom with them. She turned him into what she is: he refuses to fucking age! He has young friends and he's been working out like a damn crackhead all the time. Do you want to be effin anorexic? Cuz, you're on your way...he's not even fat! He's just a muscular guy..what more do you want to lose? And then he starts putting his losing weight pressure on me..and everything goes downhill from there. Oh! And now he's 'supposedly' planning to go to Miami with his friends and shit. ARE YOU TWENTY-ONE? Nevermind the fact that he didn't even invite us cuz that's pretty predictable..but really? What are you gonna do? Go clubbing? Make out with girls half your age? Get drunk? Do stupid stuff teenagers would do? Wait, I don't even know what they find fun in you though! When you're here you're a party pooper. Complaing about everything. You don't want anybody making noises or being loud. And now you're the life of the party, eh? Wish you luck.

Another thing that's on stupid facebook is shoutout videos. REALLY? You're gonna make a video to shout out people? How RIDICULOUS is that? I mean, I get the shouting out in a video if the video is about something else..but a video JUST FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of shouting out?! Lame, why do I even have these wack people as friends anyway? GET AWAY.

Something I found out! If you go to google, type in 'lol limewire' and then click 'i'm feeling lucky' the funniest thing will pop out! That definitely would make ANYONE'S day, for shizzle!

I've been enjoying photography like no other. Chris, buy me a professional photography camera, like Nikon or something. Pleeeeease?

My day at the park was okay...did two laps around :) one i walked, the other i ran/jogged. I don't know how to jog, I'm weird. I always speed up and act like someone/something is chasing me. I can't ever take it slow and jog correctly. Anyway, after I went to my mom bro and sis..and the little ones were getting wet...they have these fountain type things and you can get under them and get wet and all..they had fun. My sister she filled a bottle with water...took it to the little playing gym thingy whatever, she wet the slide with the water, slides down and then says "water slide" ahaha! How smart/cute/funny/adorable. hehe!

AND i'll leave you, my darling blog, on a funny note:

"you need to hide your kids, hide your wife, hide your husband..."

So darn ghetto!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

really high up anus.

--why is it that when my room gets really hot, i turn the AC on and after 5mins its FREEZING in here! So then I get up and turn it on again..i'ts a damn cycle and I'm hot.
--i made a tumblr, yess. I love tumblr really. It's pretty addicting and everyone's friendly and everyone follows you. It's awesome. Dont be jealous, blogger, you would ALWAYS have a place in my corazon. It really isnt for long blogs, like this. So I'm deff keeping this, just deleting the other one. I love you Blogger.
--I FIXED MY LAPTOP. OMG, YES! All by myself :) I'm so proud of myself, GOOGLE HELPS!! I can't depend on my cousin for it, so iiiiiii did it!
--MY dad came today. I swear all he talked to me about was me 'losing my shape' and me getting fat and how fat i am and shit. My mom was totally behind it too. She's such a two-faced hypocrite. She talks all this crap about him behind his back and when he's here she's like fucking goo-goo ga ga over him. STFU already, i started exercising today, happy?
im tired of this effin look of my blog. too damn fruity.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Sooo fucking upset. People just don't fucking now to be fucking grateful. Regret that last post. Can't stress the fact of how alone I really am. How I love life. I regret ever meeting you.


I don't know. I don't think I'll ever be fully happy probably until I've been on my own, doing things I like to do, and when I'm finally face-to-face with you.

Monday, July 26, 2010

On LOWcacation! yeaaah

Im thinking about quitting blogger
and making a tumblr. It's way better, quicker and artsy-ish. The only 'bad' thing is that I wont have really long blogs like I do here. (first i was watching the dew tour..pretty cool skateboarding. Now i'm watching Kim Possible..omg i loved this show! Especially Ron & Rufus..they barely give it anymore :(..they pretty much play retarded shows which is why I dont watch disney channel anymore) K, anyways. I might switch to tumblr..if not i'll just delete my other blog and use tumblr for that one. Yeah, that sounds better.

Day 13 – This week, in great detail

This week was alright, busy wise. Monday-Thursday I had that Nurse Camp. Monday, my mom and I went through the wrong entry and we pretty much went around half the school and still we couldn't find the hall we were supposed to be at. Then she started blaming me, it's all my always. Then, I just couldnt take it anymore so I just told her to leave me at the campus police station and that I'll find my way around. So, I went in, I asked, and they told me where to go. Surprisingly, my mom was she took me to the right entry. The whole day was sssslllooooooooooow! So was Tuesday..just pretty much lectures and stuff. I passed my CPR test! Woot! So I pretty much have 2 certifications..the first time I passed it with an 85..this time I passed it with a 100! The test that I really need to pass is my written test for driving. BLAH!

Wednesday & Thursday were the best. We had clinicals! Wed we went to the hospital and thurs we did home care. What I liked about Thursday was the lecture after. This RN that worked in Labor & Delivery pretty much talked to us. It was the most interesting lecture and I adored it! And when I'm a nurse, I want to have the chance to work there. The thing is that it's pretty tough to get in to that section of the hospital. And maybe I'll have to work as a staff nurse first THEN make my way up there. That really brought me down :( ..but if you want something you're gonna have to work for it, right? So that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna be great thru college, take my certification test, then start to work :) hopefully i'll work in Labor & Delivery :)

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Red red red lucious lipppps..muah!

SO Sorry! Oh, my dearest blog, I've missed you. ahaha I've been pretty busy with the nurse camp I was in but now it's over! I met pretty cool people and I've never been more positive about something in my life, but...I want to be a nurse. Yes, an RN. yesss! I'm so excited for myself, it's pretty darn hilarious. This is the whole break down, yo! It usually takes about 4 years..the four years in college to graduate with a bachelors degree of Science in Nursing. After that, I have to figure out where I'm gonna live (pretty much)so I can take the certification test at the state where I want to live. But in some states, you can pass the certification. Like if I am certified as an RN to practice nursing in a state, other states MAY allow me to just pass the certification without having to pay or take the test again...or..something like that. But yeah, I can get a job for a couple of years, then depending on how my life is, I can go back to get my masters. I am such a nerd. See how I'm planning out my life without even knowing anything?

Anyway, back to the whole daily blog things.....

Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
For the summer, I usually use lighter bags not big ones and I avoid leather bags too. My current bag is pretty small and it's a shoulder bag. So it don't stuff it with things like I usually do with the bigger bags so's all just junk

this is what's in my bag :)
-a whole bunch of papers
-a little alcohol packet for disinfecting and weird o.O
-bracelets..the colorful ones I got from Disney World :)
-my ring..its colorful
-my lip balm
-my wallet..filled with change, yesss
-my cousin's headphones -_-

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Gracias, gracias.

Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail

Majority of my close family (my mom's side) lives in DR. I know a handful of people from my dad's side and they live in NY and DR. Besides my parents, my grandma, sister, brother, and cousin live with me. I really don't feel like going into detail but I love them all even though they have their moments.
---------------------------------------------------------------------i think I've blogged about this a long long time ago. But today I ran into this online, again. It's a menstrual cup. Yes, a cup. According to wikipedia, "A menstrual cup is a type of cup or barrier worn inside the vagina during menstruation to collect menstrual fluid. Unlike tampons and pads, the cup collects menstrual fluid rather than absorbing it.

Looks rather uncomfy:

yes yes yess. it does.


Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail

i was wearing this tank top today w/o these colors though. My colors were: red, turquoise, yellow, black, white, gray and a little green. I know the colors sound a little crazy but the tank top is pretty hot and it's pretty bright too :) i'll take a pic when my phone decides to charge.

my shorts were very very similar to these. The only thing different was that they were blue jeans..but the buttons and everything were the same. I really love these shorts and these were my shoes. the exact same ones. they're my gladiators :) i love love love these

shoes ahhh!

And that's all i wore, not so complicated eh?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

if only. ONLY...

Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
& things that inspire me

Friday, July 16, 2010

it's shareable.

ahahahahah! i like this font! it's ridiculous!
Anyways, new look. I can't say I love it...I actually think it's too bubbly and cute for me. But whatever...
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail

Hmmm. When I was younger, like age 5 or 6ish I had this bump on the side of my leg and I had to get it checked up just to see if it was benign or cancerous. The doctors tell me that it isn't cancerous but I had to get it removed anyways. I remember majority of the surgery...I was in this chair but it was reclined back and my leg was up on something. The bump was dotted so the doctor could know precisely where to cut and I was given anesthesia. didn't exactly work because I felt the sensations of everything going on on my wasn't a good surgery experience overall. What made it even worse is that by the next couple of days the stitches became loose and that cut was WIDE open and I could see inside was all pinkish and gooey. This was back when I was living in DR and health care over there isn't great SO I had to head out there with my mom AT NIGHT looking for a hospital so SOME ONE could stitch me back up...horrible experience. This ALWAYS always always made me cry cuz I suffered so much and it's interesting how I remember SO much and I was so young! It didn't make me cry this time which is good. I still have that scar on the side of my looks like a spider :). It isn't so bad it's just there. I used to be SUPER self-conscious about it and I NEVER EVER used to wear shorts or skirts. But now I've just come to accept it cuz it's part of me..and alot of people find this story quite interesting.

So that's my moment...well moments :)


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Diamonds falling down!!

that last post was distasteful. bleghh.

Day 07 --Your best friend, in great detail

I've been through my share of best friends, currently I have none, except Chris but he doesn't count. That's why I blog right? I have no one to tell all my things to and to just vent..pathetic isn't it? The firstest (is that a word?) friend I had was a friend who lived downstairs from me in my old old house, well apartment. I dont even remember her name or anything. All I remember is going down to her house sometimes and going to her party at Chuck E. Cheese's. That was the first time I went SUPER EXCITING! Anyways, that's all I remember really..I don't even remember my age, I was yoooung. I dont remember how our friendship ended, I guess it was just cuz I moved. My next best friend was Cynthia (this was when I lived at my old house)..we were soooooo close. I would talk to her everyday, see her everyday, do things together everyday..we had soo much in common, my family loved her and her family loved me. There was a girl who lived a house away and she always wanted to be around us...we really didn't like her at all..and we spoke about her behind her back. I remember making plans with her to do something but Cynthia invited me someplace else and I totally stood the other girl up. I really regret all the things I did to her..I don't know what was up with me then, and I'm sorry..she actually just graduated from my school. But, yeah, me and Cynthia grew apart (we didn't exactly grow apart) she just changed into this completely different person after we started going to school together..and I just wasn't having it, so our friendship ended. Today, I don't really talk to her..she's my friend on Facebook but we haven't had a conversation. Before, we always said we needed to meet up at catch up..but it never happened.

My next best friend...i should say best friends! We were a group of five. OMG..I loved those girls! And I loved our class! We all went to dance class after school...meeen those were deff the days! Anyways, Only one of them goes to my school now and she went all strict and she's in ROTC. Another one moved after I moved and pretty soon she got pregnant by this guy and he ended up leaving her..i thought they were seriously in love. Another friend...ummm i dont even know much about her I just know she's pretty close to Cynthia yeah. And the last friend..I have no idea. It's actually kind of funny that I have them all on facebook but we dont say a word to each other. After I moved, and after the other girl moved after me..the friendship just crumbled.

My last best really hurt losing the friendship. We were the clooooosest and we had everything in common. She lives a couple blocks away..actually I saw her yesterday on my way to 'buy' the GPS. We just said hii. She went to my school for 2 years the got kicked out for bad behavior..she changed dramatically. I really don't like her! I REALLY DISLIKE THE GIRL!! But she applied again to my school and hopefully hopefully hopefully they dont accept her again! I don't really like wishing bad things on people but she doesn't even deserve to be in that school.. she's sooo annoying!

Sarah doesn't count cuz she's related.

And that's all. People just change for the worse and I distance myself from them. And really, I don't think I've changed at all.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

We go first to third baby!

well, since my boyfriend won't talk to me..i might as well do this.
I'm actually quite upset, as always.
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail

It's actually kind of funny that the day when I actually do something..this thing is telling me to write about it. Kay, so I got up early to go buy a GPS thing but they were pretty expensive so I called my mom n told her that and she said she was gonna buy it somewhere else. I pass by my favorite frozen yogurt store 16 Handles--SOOO good. Then went home. Pretty soon my mom came, gave me the GPS and I was supposed to set the directions and stuff..pretty confusing. Ugh i dont wanna blog. um we went to JFK pretty lost got the painting..went was a smoother ride back. Except that the GPS kept recalculating the route. now im watching the allstar game.yay.


him:first time in a LONNNG time that i dont have to question that n that its not in question about me
me:lol i dont get you
me:what you just said
him:its the first relationship that i didnt question about her lovin me n she didnt question me
me:thats happened before?
him:uh yea
me:like they've asked you if you love them
him:like they didnt believe me n i didnt believe them ya kno
me:oo ok ok
me:then what would be thepoint in bein in a relationship
him:i unno
him:like i loved kate there was no doubt about it but i was questioned her
me:you were questioned by her? or you were questioning her?
him:i questioned her
me:why did you
him:didnt trust her
me:oo ok
me:im glad that there's no questioning our love
him:not at all
me:i love you
him:i love you too

DAY 65248421--

Monday, July 12, 2010


Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail

Not much, ithink. If i can remember...
-rice with those really thin thin thin steak things w/ salad
-like 5 mins after i ate salad again o.O
-ate like 3/4 of the heath klondike bars
-whole wheat bread w/ butter
-at this point i was really craving chinese food
-microwed baked potatoes mashed with butter and cheese (so the cheese melts while i mash) then i put a little bit of olive oil, vinegar and salt i ate this with a couple bites of the thin thin steak i ate for lunch (it had the fat gooey parts which i hatteeee) so i sliced some cheese n ate it with that.
-pear (it was really really bumpy for some reason)

That's what I ate :)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Azure Mist

This came from my iPod notepad :)

Explaining my sudden love: it's not that I love you suddenly lol. Cuz that'll be kind of confusing, don't you think? Sort of like.."Whaaaat? You never loved me before?" But no, it's not that way. What I mean is that I have sudden gratefulness, I guess you could say. I'm just really happy that you're in my life sooooo happy. These past few years have been great and these past few days have been amazing lol. Aind it's just opened my eyes to how happy I am to be with you and just everything in our relationship. Lol this sounds as you would say "cheesy" but hey it's true. I love you. Alot Alot Alot, my prince charming. And hopefully you come with your shining armor and take me away to your lovely castle and we'll live happily ever after. Yeah, I know fairy tales don't really happen in real life but maybe just maybe with you fairy tales are possible.

-- O, and btw dont you like how I just mixed in two stories into one? The whole prince charming thing and the shining armor thing? KNIGHTS wear shining armor not the princes cuz they're too charming for that manly stuff.

-- O. and yeah, tooootallly took that pic and edited it. Looks pretty cool :) I love it.

sorry sorry sorry Milagros

Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail

umm. What can I say? Do I really have to talk about my parents? Blah. Ok, my mom's pretty cool, when she isn't annoying me or complaining about me or arguing with me or anything like that. My dad is OK. We don't really have a relationship, just a hi and bye thing. Yeahhhhh. I don't know what else to say about them, goodbye.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Signified Secrets

Day 02--Your first love, in great detail.

Believe it or not, my first love is actually my current boyfriend. He's the love of my life and he owns my heart. We've gone through a lot of things, A LOT. Even though it's long distance...the distance just makes us stronger and it makes it even more difficult to just drop everything and quit the relationship. That's what I think we have over relationships with people that see each other every day. It has been about 3 years since that day we met :) and we've been together for a year and about 5 months coming up on the 16th. I'll always love that kid with all my heart and I cant wait 'til we're together..'til we're sick of seeing each other every day! ha! I REALLY doubt that'll happen..REALLY DOUBT IT. But whatever, I love that kid..and no he's not a kid (far from it lol) He's a kid at heart. :) :) :)
I love you babyyyyyyyyyy.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

i sweeear it's you.

You take this hand
You take this heart
Steal my bones
From 1000 miles apart
Feels so cold
Felt just like its ten shades of winter
And i need the sun
um, yeah i love this band. they're like tied with the other band i posted a video for. This man, Ryan Tedder, is beyond amazing. The whole band is amazing. Love them <3


Ugh, I dislike blogging from my iPod. The reason being because it doesn't let me change font and so I'm stuck with this boring boring font. Bleeegh. Anyway, maybe I should start that thing now. Here I go!

Day 1-- Introduce youself.

I'm Nicky, for short. Though I really liked being called Nick only one person calls me that. Yeah I don't know, I think it makes me sound remotely interesting for a second, eh? I live in NJ, pretty much the "suburbs" of NY, if you ask majority of New Yorkers. Haha, they think we're country. But if you ask me, I really wanna get out of here! I really really love art. And some fashion, too. But I'm not a head over heels fashionista that practically LIVES off clothing. My boyfriend thinks I am though, but I'm not I swear. I take lots and lots and lots of pics of nature...on my phone. You know, the typical sunrise, sunset, trees, clouds, the sky. I think it's pretty awesome how beautiful it is. I'm saving up for a Nikon. Um, yeah, that's not going well. Cuz every single corner I turn, I'm buying something. If it's not clothes, it's PopTarts. Oh yeah, that's my newest thing PopTarts. I don't know, I always have something that I get stuck on. I remember it was cheese first, then something, then potatoes I think, now it's PopTarts. I can't get enought of them. Technically,I can't get enough of IT because it's only one flavor that I'm stuck on right now--brown sugar and cinammon, yessssss. I have a boyfriend who's pretty awesome. Long distance relationships are not something easy, but we're still holding on and going strong :). Lots of people say I'm smart. I don't think so, really. I think I just use common sense. I guess my common sense isn't so 'common' huh? Whatever. Lots of people say I'm funny too. Errr, I think I am. Lol, it just comes natural to me. I laugh at anything. I really can't stand much peoples BS that's why I keep many things to myself. I really want to get a hair cut. baaaaaad. It's summer vaca and what I've done is gone to Orlando...disney for a week. Didn't even go into the parks, FYI. and now all I've done is babysat and read. Greeeat summer vacation. I'm off. To bed. Too tired. G'night.