Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Big Apple

So I just checked and it turns out that UA got my transcripts and everything yesterdaaaaay the 29th :D I don't know HOW this was possible, but oh my God is all I can say. Now, hopefully, I get some type of scholarship!!!! I can't even believe it, I keep checking back lol this is unbelievable....

Sunday, November 28, 2010

OMGGG. dying. So, first, the UA scholarship deadline is the first of December. I gave the permission to release my transcripts to my counselor the fifteenth of November, and UA still hasn't received it yet! What is going on? I'm literally so freaking stressed, and I'm pretty pessimistic about my transcripts getting there on time. Arrghurhgisrgerghrgirhs. Stressed. If I don't make the deadline it doesn't mean I won't get in necessarily, I just won't be considered for scholarships. God, God, GOD! I believe in miracles. I do I dooooo. ♥

a bit of everything eat pray love

We can just acknowledge that we have a screwed-up relationship, but we stick it out anyway. We can accept that we fight a lot, we barely have sex anymore, but we don't want to live without each other...and that way we can spend our lives together. Miserable.......but happy not to be apart.

Being unhappy but being happy. Consider it a testimony to how much I love you that I spent so long pouring myself into us, trying to make it work.
Those tears, unexpected ones, who knows where they come from because one minute we're practically begging the other to love us and to take us back. But the next minute we can't stress enough the fact that we sometimes hate each other and wish we never met at all. But, here they are, those tears. The waterfalls.

Then those memories of how happy we were once, the way we laughed and talked. Which makes me realize, how could I not give this one last try?

But one thing is constant. Change. I guess you can say we've both undergone some type of transformation. If it wasn't daily change, it had to be weekly/monthly/or yearly, but we did change. I don't know if it was for the better or worse...I can't specify. But we're done so one can conclude that the change was for the worse.

its been a minute eh?!? a little more then a week away from when my baby first said "you mean everything to me" and "i love you"! its weird how things work out me n my girl have been together for almost a year and we've been thru sooooo much and we've done it together. I honestly couldnt be any happier. ive gone thru things she hasnt gone thru yet but shes still right there by myside everytime somethin happens she never leaves me hangin or to deal with it on my own..now thats a true AMAZING girl n i love her with everything i have in me she truely is amazing and im soooo glad im with her and that we've fought thru everything to get to where we are now .. noone could possible know how much i love this girl maybe some of u do..shes the one i know she is and ive known it since the very FIRST time i talked to her i just couldnt be any happier...anyways i gotta catch up on VD so check ya later!!!

Brings me to tears how you're not like that anymore. I guess these tears aren't random. But, back to what I was saying, we all want things to stay the same. We settle for living in misery because we're afraid of change, of things crumbling to ruins. But then I look back at the things in my life and I think that it isn't my life that's been so chaotic, maybe it's the world that is and the only real trap is getting attached to any of it, much like I was or am attached to you. But ruin or change for the worse, I guess you could say, is a gift. It's the road to transformation.

But you and I must be prepared for endless waves of transformation, because everyone changes. And I'm not saying you're the only one who changed or playing the blame game or anything like that. To you I've probably changed, and maybe you changed because I changed and you were adapting to my ways, who knows. But, that isn't the point.

Both of us deserve better than staying 'together' because we're afraid we'll be destroyed if we don't.

And, I'm not going to add the whole, " if we're meant to be, we'll end up together" cliche. Because what if we're not meant to be. What if we stay in each others lives and never truly be fine with each other's relationship with new, other people. And I won't be, I'll be happy for your happiness, but I won't feel fine or okay with your relationship with another person as long as I love you more than a friend, as long as I'm in love with you. And maybe that's selfish, but it is the truth.

"God laughs at those who make plans. " So, make him laugh. I think you should go somewhere, have fun, a little vacation, with your kids. Go to the arches, or something...just have fun.

And, let's not dwell on each other.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


just checked my stats out & people actually do read this
kinda sad they don't leave comments :/
h e l l o there. . .you, stranger.

Monday, November 22, 2010

i'm so freakin stressed & upset & just everything in between. urgh -______-

Thursday, November 18, 2010

just one of those times..

this movie completely morphed me into a big ball of nothing. Life isn't fucking fair.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Oh, God

Dear God,
Please inspire UA to look inside their hearts and accept me into their university. Please make the admission counselors reach even more within their heart so I can receive a scholarship, or financial aid or some type of monetary value so I can go to that school. Please, please, I busted my ass these 3-4 years to get into the school of my choice and get a scholarship as well. Pleeeeeeeease God!

Ok, I'm done. I love you God.

Friday, November 12, 2010

for christopher

if you don't like this then you're not worthy of listening to onerepublic either

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

For my boyfriend

They say the human body has over 50 billion white blood cells, and I need
e v e r y s i n g l e o n e
because you
make me
You are the fish that I would throw back,
but some reason
as opposites,
we attract.
We show our admiration in love taps,
"I HATE YOU!" matches in
All the qualities of my soul-mate,
you lack.

I wrote you a poem once,
I mounted it and framed it...
oh, it was p e rrrr f e ct!
And you gave me a pat on the back,
and said,"Hey, good stuff..."
That was it.
Your attempts at being romantic
are simply pathetic
The last massage you gave me...
The first time you cooked me dinner,
I had to pump my stomach.
And YOU, you, you ,yooooooooou
just like picking fights.
If I say go left,
you say right.
If I say it's day, you swear it's
n i g h t.
You still think our anniversary is the 10th of May
It's the 9th!!!
of March...
The Golden Arches is the closest thing to jewelry I've ever seen from you.
For my last birthday, you gave me a
You wear socks with your sandals!
And, no, not the short ones...
the one that pass your ankles!
My idea of a tranquil evening involves a good book.
And peppermint tea :)
Yours only requires your PS3!
You're a die hard football fan.
I like baseball.
And like most lactose products,
we just seem to disagree.
You think Megan Fox is the epitome of beauty.
I think she's overrated and her lips are crusty.
You like chicks that are busty.
And I'm a proud member of the:
Itty Bitty Titty Committee.

I remember the last time I cried,
you gently wiped my
e y e s
and whispered
And I know it's bugged but I still love you.
Like Whitney Houston loves crack...
But some reason,
as opposites
And truth be told,
that romantic crap usually doesn't last.
Flowers die,
and many diamonds given.
May as well be cut glass,
but what matters most is that
c o m p l e m e n t
Like a i r though my l u n g s,
And there are over a trillion nerves
and you
you get on every single one.
You know you do!
But, for some reason, that's why I
I love you.
A poem I heard, besides the 'imperfections'
I love you.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

chris doesn't blog anymore..