Monday, February 28, 2011

i don't freakin know.
Who knew to get money--that isn't even for entertainment, I'd have to act like a different person. I NEVER EVER was close to my father. NEVER. We never had that kind of father-daughter relationship that I could tel him what's going on, that I would hug him, or kiss him, or tell him I love him. And after that incident when he hit my mom, I've never been farther away from him than before, it's just hi, a little conversation, and bye. He was never there for me wen I needed a father figure, never went to places with us, I remember we shopped as a family very few times, and I don't even remember those instances exactly. It was always my mom. My mom did this, my mom did that. And, now, when I need him for college and told him two weeks ago that I needed money,he doesn't have it. I get it that he's tight on money, but my mother makes less than you and she still gives me what I need. I ask you for money seasonally you rarely have to spend any money with me. You told me yourself you were going to drive with me and everything. Did you do so? NO. My mom had to do it. She does everything in your absence for the adolescent years in my life. And when I speak to you or call on you for something you did, you don't even let me talk. You're always screaming, I have to ask you for permission to talk.And when I finally talk, I always get this lump on my throat, like I am now. I remember about a year ago, when I had that breakdown because I felt as if nobody at all cared for me. What did you do? You screamed at me like it was my fault I felt that way. And maybe, I'm disrespecting you or something, and I'm sorry for that, God forgive me, but seriously you expect me to get all touch-feely when I need something? Never in my life was I like that, so what makes you think I'm going to be like that now? And then you tell my mom. And offfffff course, she's on your side. Oh of course, nothing surprises me! It's hard to move forward when everybody's against me. And then, when I speak out about it, calling them out on what they did, IIII get yelled at. Okay, whatever, my bad. Forever alone.

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